Flashfree…what’s it all about?
There’s a misconception going around that only women who are entering or have entered menopause should read this blog. And it’s not true. So, I thought that I’d use this opportunity to again, highlight some of the common themes and issues that run through an adult woman’s life, no matter her age:
- Health & Prevention. Women’s health is so important. And so misunderstood. While some of that misunderstanding can be attributed to an early failure to evaluate drugs in important studies, for example, heart disease, the broader issue is that women are intricately wired beings whose systems are truly integrated and connected. Our physical health is so often influenced by our emotions and environment that it can be difficult to discern cause and effect, and by default, treat appropriately and effectively. However, there are important steps that can be taken to stave off some of the unwanted effects of aging or even some diseases. Just think…exercise and heart health, bone health, mind health; a healthy diet and maintaining a healthy weight and helping prevent heart disease and diabetes; or, stress reduction, yoga, focused breathing to maintain balance and energy and promote immune health.
- Friendships and Social Support. No matter our age, situation, relationship status, creed, religion, or color we rely on our relationships and networks to raise us up and bring us out of the darkness into the light, to fully blossom, thrive and grow, to create, express and love. Just think…strengthening friendships and support networks to maintain emotional and physical health or boosting self esteem to help with career and achievement
My point is that if you are in your late 30s or 40s and premenopausal, there are many things you can do now that will benefit you later. Hard to believe, right? But truly, Flashfree is no just for the menopausal set. Flashfree is for you. And although many posts focus on menopause, there are a lot that focus on aging issues, something that all of us, for better or worse, will go through.
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Shaken. Not Stirred.
I have been inspired by my friend Gini Dietrich’s weekly Gin and Topics posts over at Spin Sucks, so much so that I’ve decided to up the ante and bring back a Roundup-like feature to Flashfree (if you’re unfamiliar with the Roundup, think monthly highlight recaps. You can find them here.)
Shaken. Not Stirred is intended to highlight a few choice finds that I believe are worthy of mention in this space. They might not warrant an entire post, but they’ve shaken me up in one way or another to break (or pause, if you will) from our normally scheduled programming and deliver information in a format that is distinct from what you’ve come to expect. In that vein, this feature won’t appear on a regular schedule as I do believe that into every blog should flow a bit of the erratic; after all, that’s what keeps things lively, right?
So, without further ado… I bring you the Shaken. Not Stirred.
Bottom’s up!
- There’s a new kid in town and you may want to get to know him better. So you chat about him online with your other online pals, weigh his pros and cons. And then decide collectively whether or not to befriend him. That’s what the new patient portal Treato is doing. Only this time, the new kid is a medication you might be considering taking for your menopause-related depression and you’re not sure about its side effects. Can you find someone just like you to talk to about it, read/hear their experiences, obtain advice from a medical expert who might be weighing in and then make a more informed decision? Treato is doing just that in one consolidated location. Granted, I’ve not thoroughly vetted the site for accuracy and like any medical information that circulates on the web, ‘whatever is received’ requires vigilance on the part of the user. But I am a huge advocate of leveling the healthcare playing field and patients should be participating in their healthcare. Check it out. And let me know what you think.
- Who knew that weight loss could be so easy? One pair of Zaggora HotPants can help you zap away that unsightly cellulite. How? By incorporating “a comfortable bioceramic material that emits infrared rays to help wearers naturally and efficiently amp up weight-loss regimens. The shorts’ Celu-Lite technology smoothes thighs and other dimple-prone areas by galvanizing the skin’s internal zamboni to promote a deep warming of body tissues and promote lymphatic drainage. This process boosts sweating by up to 80% and aids in eliminating the toxins responsible for cellulite. Gotta give the company props for the term ‘internal zamboni’ but the reality is that nothing has been scientifically proven to rid the body of cellulite.
- Since we are on the topic of do’s and don’ts, why not end this week’s Shaken. Not Stirred with a bit of alcohol-related news? My guess is that many of you have seen the news about drinking and breast cancer and are as confused as I’ve been. My friend Elaine Shattner, over at Medical Lessons Blog, has done an excellent job distilling the facts down to ‘what you need to know,’ much better than I ever could have. Like me, Elaine (who is a trained oncologist, among other things) agrees that women no longer need to be stigmatized by their decisions, writing “Women, in my experience, are generally more vulnerable to the put-downs of others. And so my concern about the BC-alcohol link is that this will, somehow, be used, or have the effect of, making survivors or thrivers or women who haven’t even had breast cancer feel like they’re doing the wrong thing if they go to a party and have a drink. And then they’ll feel badly about themselves.” Do yourselves a favour: read this post.
And if you would, can you do me a favour and weigh in on Shaken. Not Stirred?
Yay, nay or meh?
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Makeup ‘makes’ the woman?
Can’t make this one up.
Pardon the pun but the results of this particular study, published last week in PLOS One, deserves some attention, not because it conveys a positive message but because it challenges me I know at the cellular level by confirming that as humans, we often focus on the wrong attributes. And in no gender is this truer than in women, who are often judged for what’s on the surface rather than what lies within.
Two studies conducted by Harvard Researcher and Assistant Clinical Professor at Harvard, Nancy Etcoff, PhD, were developed to examine how adorning a face with colour cosmetics affects how other individuals will respond. These studies were seen as a natural extension of prior research that has shown that facial beauty influences first impressions and increases beliefs that the beautiful are more socially skilled, confident, successful and even more competent.
A bit of background…
Cosmetics have had a long history of controversy and shifting cultural mores. For example, in the 10,000 BC, cosmetics were used by both Egyptian men and women to enhance their spirituality and stature. In the late 18th Century, cosmetics (along with perfumes, scented water/washes and “paints”) were banned from being used to snare a husband. Thereafter in the Victorian Era, there was a return to the natural look and the fragility of women and cosmetic enhancement was frowned upon. In more modern times and we’ve gone from painting the town red in the 1920s to au natural in the 40s back to glamour in the 50s and a return to au natural in the 70s. Today, the researchers write, “cosmetics are seen as freely chosen and morally neutral agents of beauty enhancement…reflecting the individual’s preferences and choices, and the response to their use reflects” the perceiver’s ideas about makeup use and what is says about a person’s personality, intentions and character. In other words, how you look still influences what others’ think and feel about you.
The research
Etcoff’s research findings take us one step further towards substantiating that as a culture, our priorities are seriously askew. In it, she and her colleagues asked over 200 men and women to rate the same 25 female faces (Hispanic, Caucasian or African American models) with our without color cosmetics and wearing various degrees of makeup (minimal to moderate to dramatic or more specifically, ‘natural,’ ‘professional,’ or ‘glamourous’ looks). The models were rated for attractiveness, likability, trustworthiness and competence on a 7 point scale (ranging from not at all to highly/extremely).
[Photo: doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0025656.g001]
The researchers found that when the models’ were viewed for only 250 milliseconds, makeup increased ratings of their attractiveness, likability and trust. When viewers had more time to look at the faces, only the natural and professional make up looks increased the degree to which the models were perceived as likable, professional, competent and trustworthy. Still when the researchers contrasted the glamorous look to no make up at all, the found that viewers rated the models as likable, competent and significantly more attractive; only trustworthiness was questioned.
Overall, the findings show that increased beauty can be equated with increase social power and competence and to a lesser extent, how warmly someone is perceived. And researchers say that “attractiveness has assumed increasing significance [in our culture] and wil continue to do so as long as beauty remains an unconscious proxy for status and ability.”
Proctor and Gamble’s Principal Scientist of Color Cosmetics takes this even one step further, claiming, in a related press release that “makeup is a real life tool in [the female arsenal that allows women] to effectively control the way they want to be — and are — perceived.” The message? Makeup is king in a manipulator’s toolbox. And in order to take control and be in control, women need to manipulate their image.
What happens when that image is taken away from them and they are “found out?” And truly, what messages are we sending?
The other day I ran across a trailer for Miss Representation, a documentary about how women and girls are perceived our culture and how these views are influenced by the media. I would like to suggest that perhaps, we are both the influencers and the influenced.
I guess it comes down to this one question:
What makes the woman? It’s up to all of us to decide.
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Health, wellbeing and social support. Give to the Max is setting a new revolution in motion…
I spend a lot of time on this blog writing about health and wellbeing and how the foundation for the two starts (and ends) with social support. Indeed, research has shown that women’s innate ability to nurture and nourish ties, coupled with overall satisfaction with work significantly predicts wellbeing especially during midlife and over the menopausal transition. It may even affect how long we live. Nowhere is this more important than in the communities where we reside because as much as many of us complain about how busy we are, there is a deep, soul stroking satisfaction in being able to help one another.
That is why it saddens me when I witness women building one another up in the community only to tear one another down in the workplace.
A line from a wonderful article that appeared in the New York Times in 2009 acknowledged certain stereotypes continue to perpetuate bad behavior. And, that as Author Peggy Klaus so aptly wrote, “the pink elephant is lurking in the room and we pretend it’s not there.”
Klaus’ point was that rather than help build each other’s careers, women often work to derail each other, engaging in “verbal abuse, job sabotage, misuse of authority and destroying of relationships.” She cited data suggesting that this type of behavior is directed from women to women more than 70% of the time, while the men who are “bullies in the workplace,” direct their aggression equally to both genders.
She encouraged us however, not to determine the why but rather, engage one another to put an end to this type of behavior.
Here’s an idea. Let’s start by supporting and building more power, self sufficiency and emotional equity from within businesses and from the top down. In other words, why not make an effort to support female-owned/founded businesses in our communities, especially those businesses that are working to eliminate inequities and promote the very qualities that improve health and wellbeing?
I recently learned that there are several female-founded nonprofit organizations in the region where I personally live that truly embody these principles:
- Suited for Change Founded in 1992, Suited for Change provides professional clothing, career and life skills education to low-income women in order to increase employment and job retention potential. Their clientele include homeless women, survivors of domestic violence, teen mothers, senior citizens, returning citizens, and women who have overcome addiction.
- Back on my Feet DC is an organization that promotes self sufficiency of homeless women (and men) — not through provision of shelter and food — but through physical activity, i.e. a running program to build confidence strength and self esteem, and teach the value of hard work, equality, respect, teamwork and leadership.
These nonprofits are only two examples of female-founded organizations that work to build self efficiency from the ground up and the top down, helping thousands of individuals learn the value of self assurance. mutual respect and support. I can only imagine what hundreds of other organizations are likewise doing to break down barriers and build wellbeing.
Want to help me find out?
If you know a local nonprofit that could use some extra support. then you need to know about Give to the Max. And if you are ready to engage other women to learn how we can consistently build one another up, then you will want to know about Give to the Max.
On November 9, thousands of organizations and residents in the region are uniting to take part in Give to the Max Day, a one-day regional online fundraiser to support local nonprofit programs. Give to the Max provides DC, Maryland and Virginia 501 (c)(3) nonprofit organizations visibility and even a lasting web presence to conduct ongoing fundraising initiatives after November 9. Most importantly, however, it’s a fantastic way for the community to give back and to support one of the region’s most important economic drivers at a time when the economy is taking a toll on charitable giving and simultatneously creating overwhelming demands for social services. For women, in particular, it’s a great start to breaking down the barriers that are destroying us in the workplace and finding ways to improve how we treat one another and why.
However, this day is not simply about women and women-owned nonprofits; an ‘Eight Neighbors Group’ alliance of the area’s leading nonprofit and civic organizations (Center for Nonprofit Advancement, Greater Washington Board of Trade, Leadership Greater Washington, Metropolitan Washington Council of Governments, Nonprofit Roundtable of Greater Washington and the Washington Regional Association of Grantmakers) have joined forces with the online fundraiser Razoo, The Community Foundation for the National Capital Region and the United Way of the National Capital Area to insure that nonprofits have an opportunity to raise thousands of dollars in donations and grants on a single day.
But why should you care if you don’t live in the DC/MD/VA region?
Give to the Max is just a start, an incentive for other other regions around the country to take back the health of their communities and leverage the individual for the collective wellbeing. As women, we have an opportunity to engage one another to end destructive behavior — not only in the workplace, but where we live.
Health and wellbeing start from where we all dwell; the heart. Let’s Give to the Max on November 9 and set a new revolution in motion.
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Menopause: the symptom? Or, the disease?
A few years ago, I ran across the following story on the BBC:
“Woman’s Death Blamed on Menopause.”
“A woman who refused to take hormone replacement therapy died while suffering a menopausal episode, an inquest had heard. Margaret Drew…was killed when she walked out of her family home on to a nearby railway line and was hit by a train…There is no trigger to this at all, except hormones making her do things that she normally wouldn’t do, Dr. Carlyon [Cornwall Coroner) concluded…”
Menopause. The silent killer. Oh really? Drew’s husband claims that his wife was “delightful, lovely and friendly” 99% of the time; the other 1% she’d become “totally irrational.” Yet, she refused to try HRT, he says. On the day of her suicide, he said that his wife was “clearly angry about something.”
Something.
Obviously, the conclusion is that that the “something” is hormones. This reminds me of vintage advertising copy that conveys the simple message that a pill a day can cure all that ails, wipe away the tears, mood swings and instability so that women can “transition without tears” (or better yet, without killing themselves).
Notably, a search in the National Library of Medicine’s PubMed database turned up only one recent study specifically dealing with suicide ideation across reproductive stages. In it, researchers compared data in 8,794 women, and found an increased risk of thinking about suicide among women during perimenopause, not before or after entering menopause. These findings remained after controlling for risk factors such as anxiety and mood disorders. HOWEVER, the researchers noted that the study design did not allow them to form any definitive conclusions about the specific reasons for thinking about suicide.
Another search yielded information that the risk for a major depression increases during perimenopause, primarily as the direct result of vasomotor symptoms. The same does not hold true for women before menopause begins or once they enter menopause. Note that while major depression is a risk factor for suicide, not everyone who is depressed will actually kill themselves.
So, are hormonal fluctuations the sole cause of such deep unhappiness that women want to kill themselves?
Interestingly, just a week after the menopause/train suicide story hit the interwebz, a rather controversial set of data also emerged: since 1972, women’s overall level of happiness has dropped. These findings held true regardless of child status, marital status and age. Researcher Marcus Buckingham, writing in the Huffington Post, said that women are not more unhappy than men because of gender stereotyping and related attitudes, due to working longer hours or because of the inequality of housework/responsibilities at home, but rather, the hormonal fluctuations of menopause may be to blame. What’s more, he leaves us hanging so we’ll tune in for part two of the piece to learn the true cause of our declining happiness or better yet, read his book (which evidently guides women through the process of finding the true role that they were meant to play in life).
Importantly, reactions to this study (and various pundits’ assessment of it) have been mixed. One of the most poignant comments I’ve read asks the question “how is happiness measured? What does it mean?”
I have no idea what caused Mrs. Drew to walk into a train and kill herself. Perhaps she was depressed. Clearly she was suicidal.
I have no idea why research shows that women are less happier than they were three decades ago.
However, is menopause the cause? Aren’t these conclusions an example of how the Menopause Industrial Complex perpetuates societal myths that menopause is a disease that requires treatment? That as women, our attitudes, belief systems and actions are hormonally-based and driven? That we are hysterical beings who need guidance on how to find our way and fulfill our dreams, realize our paths, but only if we calm down?
Feeling angry? Blame it on menopause. Unhappy? Blame it on menopause. Not realizing your dreams? Blame it on menopause. Overworked, overstressed, undervalued? Blame it on menopause.
Blame it on menopause.
I don’t know about you but I’m tired, tired of hearing that menopause is not the symptom but the disease. Isn’t it time we start fighting back?
Read MoreThe Incredible Counterterrorism Efforts of Two 9/11 Widowed Mothers: Guest post by Anne Weiskopf
I am proud to feature this wonderful post by my friend and blogger Anne Weiskopf. Although it focuses on 9-11 (a topic that those of you who know me personally understand that I avoid like the plague), the larger story is really about the importance of support and sisterhood, and reaching outside our comfort zone.
Although the post is considerably longer than usual, it’s well worth every word. Please show some love.
[Photo credit: http://beyondthe11th.org]
Imagine being the wife of a passenger on American Flight 11 from Boston to Los Angeles on September 11, 2001. Now imagine being 7 months pregnant with your 3rd child at that moment. Imagine still, meeting another Widow (8 months pregnant with her 2nd child) whose husband was on United Flight 175, from Boston to Los Angeles on that fateful day.
So begins the story of Susan Retik and Patti Quigley, who were both pregnant, and widowed, on 9/11. These two women, residents of Boston-area suburbs, met for the first time months after September 11th. Through their suffering they created a strong bond, each woman uniquely understanding the other’s experience, especially of having a baby who would never know her father.
As Susan and Patti were being comforted and supported by so many, including family, neighbors, co-workers of their late husbands, and the government itself, they began to research the conditions and circumstances facing other widows, those halfway around the world in Afghanistan. Their situations were far from analogous. According to Susan, “Decades of conflict had ravaged Afghanistan, leaving hundreds of thousands of women without husbands — a culturally necessity for Afghans — or basic resources. In many cases, Afghan widows had no means to feed, clothe, or shelter their children. Their situation was desperate.”
As it explains on their website:
The approximately 2 million Afghan widows are among the most impoverished and vulnerable peoples in one of the poorest countries in the world — yet they are often overlooked. Culturally displaced, widows in Afghanistan are stripped of whatever resources and respect they had when they were married. About 90% of Afghan widows have children, and the average widow has more than four.(1) Approximately 94% are illiterate.(2) It is difficult to overstate the bleak reality of everyday existence for these women as they struggle to feed their children and simply survive. Suicide sometimes seems like the only way out. According to a 2006 UNIFEM survey, 65% of the 50,000 widows in Kabul “see suicide the only option to get rid of their miseries and desolation.”(3)
Impoverished and utterly without resources, these women cannot lift their focus beyond day-to-day survival. As a result, their children are also trapped in the cycle of poverty without hope for a better future. The only way to break this cycle is by enabling Afghan widows to lift themselves out of the abyss. When a mother improves her life situation, her children have a chance at a better future — a chance not only to survive into adulthood, but a chance to attend school, which is vitally important on a global scale. As Colonel Jamie Cade, deputy commander of Canadian troops in Task Force Kandahar pointed out, the enemy in Afghanistan is not just the Taliban — it’s illiteracy.(4) If we are ever to affect meaningful social change and deter terrorism in Afghanistan, it is through education and empowerment from the lowest echelons of society — the very place where Afghan widows dwell.
This is the work of Beyond the 11th.
As the Bush Administration started wars on two fronts while simultaneously attempting to “win the hearts and minds” of the enemies of the United States, Susan and Patti started to raise awareness, and money, through donations to Beyond the 11th. First by traveling from Ground Zero to Boston by bicycle in 2006, and then by providing micro loans for Afghani widows to start small businesses so that their children could go to school, become educated, and not suffer the poverty and ignorance that led to Afghanistan becoming a training ground for Al-Quaeda and the 9/11 hijackers. As Susan stated in September of 2010 “The hijackers did not wake up on September 10th with so much hatred for the US that they decided to commit suicide and terror. The hatred had been learned over a lifetime of despair, illiteracy, and poverty.”
The documentary “Beyond the 11th” chronicles Susan’s journey to Afghanistan in 2006 and the bond she created with the Afghani widows whom her organization had helped to set up in business, creating the opportunity for them to feed their children, send them to school, and to give themselves a sense of pride and purpose, something they had never had before. For her humanitarian efforts, Susan was one of 13 Americans to be awarded a 2010 Citizens Medal by President Obama.
So why, on September 15th 2011 does this story seem all the more urgent? The Sunday September 11th, NY Times “Reviews” section leads with “And Hate Begat Hate”. This story, written by Ahmed Rashi, a journalist and the author of “Taliban” and “Descent in Chaos” chronicles that the “wave of anti-Americanism is rising in both Afghanistan and Pakistan. The reasons? Because after 11 years at war (our longest war ever) those who once admired the United States resent that our efforts to bring peace and development to Afghanistan is failing, and with the war extended into Pakistan – the number of dead Afghan soldiers and civilians has greatly increased. This, according to Rashi, leads many Afghanis to ponder: “Why do Americans Hate us so much?”
Americans don’t hate Afghanis. More to the point, the majority of Americans have little understanding of the Afghani people, and what life is like in Afghanistan. To that end, Susan Retik is all the more remarkable, for focusing not on revenge, but on better understanding the circumstances that would lead to a country becoming a terrorist training ground. In doing so she is dedicated to helping Afghani widows eradicate hunger and illiteracy in their villages so that they can imagine a future different from their past.
Americans may not understand Afghanis. And, Afghanis may not understand Americans. But mothers understand their responsibility to their children and want to make a better life for them – no matter what their nationality, color, or religion.
And Susan Retik understands this best.
About the author.. Anne Weiskopf lives in the Boston area, with a husband, 2 teenage boys and 3 cats. She has spent many years in the tech media and B2B market. She provides sales and business development services to agencies and companies who are in the social media and technology space. You can find (and follow) her at @AnneWeiskopf on Twitter, and, her new blog http://www.ripofftheroof.com/.
SOURCES
• http://www.irinnews.org/report.aspx?ReportId=76492
• http://www.canada.com/topics/news/world/story.html?id=ff1e4339-ee84-4734-ad25-2b3d559e5a43
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