What woman has changed your world…or hers’?
[Credit: Chau Doan/ Oxfam America]
When it comes to advocacy, I’ve got soft spot in my heart for women. That’s why I’ve spent at least three days a week since 2008 advocating for women’s health, for women to take care of themselves and for women to take care of one another. So, when a friend asked me if I would help support Oxfam America’s International Women’s Day campaign, I couldn’t say no.
This year, Oxfam America is hoping that you will help them honor women who have made a difference in your community. Or in your life…simply because women become stronger and more resilient when we support one another.
According to recent statistics:
- 66% of the world’s work is done by women and yet they earn only 10% of the world’s income
- The majority of the earth’s population that are living in poverty (more than 2.5 billion people in total) and surviving on less than $2 a day are women and girls
Time and again, I’ve written about how the foundation for the health and wellbeing starts and ends with social support. Indeed, research has shown that women’s innate ability to nurture and nourish ties, coupled with overall satisfaction with work significantly predicts wellbeing especially during midlife and over the menopausal transition. It may even affect how long we live. Nowhere is this more important than in the communities where we reside because as much as many of us complain about how busy we are, there is a deep, soul stroking satisfaction in taking a moment to pause, acknowledge and help one another.
Consequently, this week and next, I am challenging you to think about the woman (or women) in your life that has changed your world? Or hers’. And, encouraging you toTo support Oxfam America’s goal to end world hunger and empower women through their GROW campaign. Women are hungry and to combat that hunger. Oxfam’s GROW campaign urges all of us to make smarter investments in small-scale farmers, especially women, whose efforts can help find sustainable solutions to hunger. Women like my oldest and dearest friend, Susan Ujcic, co-founder and co-owner of Helsing Junction Farm in Olympia, Washington.
This isn’t about money; it’s about gestures, such as:
- Sending an International Women’s Day eCard to a woman you know, to say thank you for all that she does. Better yet, send it to several women who’ve made the world a better place.
- Giving the Oxfam America International Women’s Day 2012 award to a woman you think has made a difference to the world. She could be a teacher, your mom, a non-profit leader, a woman entrepreneur, the neighbor who always checks up on you when you’re ill… the possibilities are endless.
- Joining Oxfam’s Sisters on the Planet initiative.
One email, one award, one woman at a time. Imagine the difference a simple gesture can make.
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Motivating Women…Part 3: New Attitude
If you haven’t caught this week’s posts, I’ve been talking to three powerhouse women: Shonali Burke, Kami Watson Huyse and Julie Pippert about the changes that they are making in their lives to improve their health. From the reaction these posts have garnered, I am convinced that my instincts were correct: their stories are nothing but motivating, not only to other women but also amongst themselves.
The sum of our parts
One overriding theme that arisen as this series has unfolded is that as women, we are often as strong as the sum of our parts. Research has shown repeatedly that women thrive when they are supported by others. As I wrote several years ago ‘tending and befriending,’ nurturing our personal relationships, communicating to one another when we need help, finding a shoulder to cry on or simply offering a hug not only reaffirms who we are but can also provide an essential foundation to see us through. The same goes for starting and maintaining a healthier routine: if you have a strong foundation, there’s no limit to what you can achieve.
To a certain extent, aging has given these women strength to take on new challenges and has acted a personal motivator to take back their health. “I am actually really enjoying my 40s,” says Shonali. “I feel much more ‘together’ than I did in my 30s and definitely in than in my 20s. I suppose as you age, you realize that life isn’t really worth anything unless you are satisfied that you gave it your all each day.” And as Julie notes, it’s not as easy as it once was to “coast in good health.” Rather, she expresses that, like many of her peers, the challenges have piled on and “it’s harder and harder to keep up good health and good feeling, as well as a trim and fit body.” Moreover? The old adage ‘there’s no time like the present’ has certainly put its tendrils in these women’s psyches; Kami says that she knows that if she doesn’t “start now, I only get older from here.” This perspective is quite interesting because it does speak to the inside out; if you feel good about yourself, your outward glow certainly radiates a younger, healthier you.
A game plan
Your strategy for achieving personal wellness goals is just that: yours’. As noted, having a fitness ‘buddy’ or a personal trainer to lend support and push you to go the extra mile is optimal. So is journaling, says Julie. “I think it’s crucial to journal, at least during your initial phase of getting healthy, especially when it comes to eating right and being active. It’s a pain and not something I can maintain long-term, but each time I hit a plateau or start gaining [weight], I go back to journaling and see, oh yes, I am eating too much or too much of the wrong things and I’m not exercising enough. Or I’ve hit an exercise rut and it’s time to shake it up. Some people need a lot of shifting and I am one. You have to listen to your body. If you aren’t achieving your goal, it’s probably time to start journaling again and figuring out what you need to change.”
Give to yourself and they shall receive
As women, we don’t always adapt well to being on the receiving end. Mindful living, as I wrote about a year ago, is essential to our ability to care for others:
How do we acknowledge that be cared for does not equate to losing power or control but actually improves outlook, wellbeing, and ability to deal with any challenges that we might be facing, that allowing others to “do” empowers and does not ‘de-power?’ Is it fear of refusal? Or fear of letting go?
Importantly, being cared for also refers to being cared for by ourselves. That means incorporating healthier habits that will add that extra armor we need as we age. As Kami says, “it is so easy for us to put everything and everyone else first and forget that by taking care of ourselves we actually are doing everyone a favor,” adding that “as a mother and a spouse, when I am less stressed out and taking care of my health and wellbeing it is a much better environment in my home.”
When was the last time you stepped back and really stopped to take stock? “Women spend so much time looking after/worrying about others that they don’t take enough care of themselves,” says Shonali. “We need to nurture ourselves first; only then will we be strong and capable enough to do this for others.” She adds an interesting point of view about taking time, that it’s not selfish. “We need to take a second look at the word ‘selfish'” explains Shonali. “It’s not selfish to be well. It’s not selfish to give yourself personal time and space. It’s not selfish to make your own health a priority. In fact, it’s the best kind of selflessness, because only then can we truly and wholly care for others.”
If you are still on fence about diving into a new routine, just try. Be present, engage in the moment. Start slowly and build up. You don’t need to run a marathon the first time you step out in your new sneakers. And you don’t have anything to prove. However, also? Don’t lose sight of the joy and fun as you move through your goals: the humorist Josh Billings said it best:
“There’s lots of people who spend so much time watching their health, they haven’t got time to enjoy it.”
Motivating women. There are three in my immediate horizon and thousands more around me. And you? Take some time and look around. I bet you’ll be glad that you did!
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Motivating Women…Part 2: Be Yourself
We’re taking a break from our regular Wednesday Bubble and talking with three amazing women, Shonali Burke, Kami Watson Huyse and Julie Pippert. These women are graciously sharing their stories about the turn that their lives have taken with regard to health and fitness. Change is never easy, but neither is aging. That’s why I have been so intrigued by the upsurge I’m witnessing in the number of women in their 40s who seem to be committed to changing bad habits before those bad habits change them.
Last Thursday, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released a report outlining a trend among the medical community to increase its efforts to recommend that adults participate in exercise and other forms of physical activity. Since 2000, there has been a 40% increase in the number of adults who have been advised to incorporate exercise into their routines. Importantly, however, at each time point measured in the National Health Interview Survey, women were much more likely than men to have been advised to exercise. While this aspect of the Survey doesn’t elaborate on these data, studies have shown that gender does influence obesity rates and that worldwide, more women than men are obese. Not only are women challenged to run household and care for children, but many also work outside the home. This doesn’t leave a lot of time for meal planning and even less, for exercise. Nevertheless, both are essential for good health and wellbeing.
A few years ago, my friend, cookbook author Mollie Katzen suggested to me during our interview that even if women do nothing differently, as they age their bodies become less efficient metabolic machines, adding that one of the most consistent things she’s observed amongst her friends is the “oh my god, what happened to my body” moment. The ‘I’m minding my business, doing the same things I’ve always done and all of a sudden, I’ve got this spare tire, I’ve got the fat” epiphany. The answer?
Trial and Error
Health is trial and error. What works for one woman might not be exactly what works for another. We all need to forge our dietary paths and strategies that work for both our individual metabolism and our bodies. And if it isn’t working? Change it up and aim higher. Or differently.
Shonali explains that her trainer introduced her to two dietary strategies: The Primal Blueprint (aka, the Paleo diet, which focuses on balancing insulin levels in your body) and Gary Taubes’ Why We Get Fat‘ (again, focusing on insulin regulation). She says that while “there have been lapses,” I typically eat no grains, legumes or processed foods/foods high in sugar.” What strikes me as the most important thing in Shonali’s incorporation of a new way of eating into her life is that she tries to cook a meal every day consisting of a healthy salad and an entree that is protein-rich but also, she is “careful not to let myself feel hungry; if I am hungry, I eat…I just eat the foods I know are good for me.”
Kami says that while she may eventually go on a specific plan, like Body for Life , she prefers easing “into any dietary restrictions slowly. So far, I am just trying to back off on portions,” she explains, adding that “I have always eaten lots of vegetables and fruits but I am upping that.” Julie is also relying on portion control and is “eating very little meat, mostly fish,” and “as much fresh food as I can instead of processed food.” As a working mom of two and with a husband who has a long commute, Julie says that it can be hard to do regular family dinners but that she worked with a nutritionist who helped her “identify ‘eat this/not that’ convenience type [healthy] foods, such as flash frozen veggies and fruit but not packaged meals.” She adds that she ‘also attends free cooking classes at Williams-Sonoma to get easy and quick recipe ideas.
Set Goals
In Part 1 of this series, we discussed accountability and how answering to another person, e.g. a trainer, can help you get into a groove. However, it’s important that that groove is yours’ and your’s alone. Moreover, setting goals is part of that accountability but rigidity is not the aim; instead, goals need to be fluid and evolutionary.
Julie says that her “initial goal was to lose weight and get out of the overweight category. I wanted to eat right and get active. Once I achieved that, I wanted to work out a long-term health maintenance plan.” She adds that that entails tweaking portions and working on body toning. Kami’s goal is more specific: she wants to lose 10 to 15 pounds (minimum) to improve the pressure on her bad knee. After that, however, she says that “it would be great to reduce my waistline by 2 to 3 inches to get off some of the belly fat, which is, by far, worst for your health.” Shonali also says that her goals had to do with “losing a certain amount of weight and fitting into a particular dress size,” but now, she’s considering aiming even higher and is considering running and possibly training for a 5K.
To thine own self, be true
Guess what? It’s all about you. I’m serious. Don’t believe me?
All three of these women say that the primary outcome of the changes that they’ve made in their lives is that not only do they feel better, but they also feel better about themselves. Wow! Since Shonali has started last August, she has lost almost 20 pounds and 15″, reduced her BMI from 25.3 to 22.4 and lowered her body fat percentage from 31.6% to 24.3%. She’s also come down one dress size. However, here’s the rub: she says that “the numbers are great but what I really love is that I have more energy and stamina. I am much stronger than I used to be; I sleep better, I’m more focused with my work and my confidence has increased greatly.”
Kami’s journey has just begun (or as she describes it “just restarted”) and yet, her primary outcome echoes Shonali’s. “I feel better about myself and that is priceless.”
Julie, too, expresses a similar experience. “I lost 50 lbs initally,” she says, although this is at the low end of the weight range for her size and she’s not been able [rightly so] to maintain that. Still, She is at a healthy weight and at an average BMI. And most importantly, she explains “I have a lot more energy, huge improvements on stress and mood and I look better. That’s led me to dress better, feel better and achieve more.”
The lessons inherent in these outcomes are essential: aging can be bumpy and sometimes, our bodies don’t behave quite as we expect them to. Dress size, body fat, weight loss are simply keys that help to unlock the door to the most important outcome we can achieve: self-love. And when you feel good, that radiates out in unbelievably beautiful, gorgeous ways. I know it sounds cheesy but it’s true. Honestly? Be kind to yourself and to thine own self, be true. Like Kami says, the gift is priceless.
I hope that you’ll stay the course and tune in again on Friday for Part 3.
Read MoreMotivating Women…Part 1: Push
It’s no secret that an important trend on Flashfree has been physical activity and healthy habits. Some of that is personal: I am an exercise junkie and I believe (and studies continue to demonstrate) that it physical activity is an important key to emotional and overall wellbeing. It has also been shown to improve your sex life and help preserve bone density as you grow older, especially if you are a woman. Moreover, it takes two — diet AND exercise — to insure that your metabolism keeps pace with the rest of your life. Sure, you’ve heard it all before. And I can hear you telling yourself that you really try to get to the gym or out for a walk but somehow [fill in the blank] keeps getting in the way.
Psssst. Hey you! I want to share a gift with you:
Motivating women
All three of these women are in their 40s, which I love because it helps me practice what I preach — that the future, your future — is now. It’s going to creep up on you before you know it and suddenly, those 40s turn into 50s and the bones are getting brittler and the metabolism is slowing, fat is redistributing into areas that you never knew existed and somehow, maintaining what you have is a lot more difficult. Throw in hormonal havoc and wow! Trust me on this one; I’m living it. And if you are in your 30s and happen upon this post (and this series), please read it. Yes, you – 30 something year-old – because if you need some motivation, if you waiting for that push, I’ve got it for you.
I’ve known Shonali Burke for several years now. She’s a powerhouse in business and a gorgeous woman inside and out. I started seeing posts on Facebook that she was bootcamping (my word, not hers’) and I took note because this beautiful woman was shining in ways that I had not observed previously. An anomaly? Apparently not, because several other gorgeous, talented powerhouse women were likewise, taking on the world (and their bodies) one day at a time, including my friends Kami Watson Huyse and Julie Pippert.
So I approached them, wondering why this trend appeared to be taking hold, especially among women of a certain age group. And I believe that what they shared with me may help you to step back and try. Or try again.
Push
Kami says that while she used to be in great shape, having three kids and starting a business meant putting her own needs aside, “after a particularly hectic and stressful 2011,” She explains, “I decided it was time to make the time. Plus, I was starting to notice other signs of decline, a knee that hurts most of the time, a back that went out twice last year, and general levels of stress that topped my normal manic pace.” Never one to go down without a fight, Shonali shares that “as I grew older, the pounds crept on and I fell into the mindset of ‘well, this is just part of growing older,’ and accepted it, though I didn’t really like the way I looked or felt inside.” She adds that she noticed a friend’s Facebook post about starting a new regimen and figured “why not me too?” “Why not,” she says, adding that she’s “spent the last several years focusing on the health and wellbeing of various family members and not [her] own; it’s time to make my health a priority.”
Stress and babies and weight are fantastic motivators. So is life. Julie also explains that she “lost her health in a big way” as the result of a complicated pregnancy and an illness, started having thyroid issues, lost her home base and her ability to work and her health. Coupled with the loss of a friend to cancer, she says that “my mortality hit me like a ton of bricks” and that “I wanted my health, my energy, my figure and my self-respect back. I wanted to live and have a good quality of life.”
Giving that body the boot
Can accountability help? It appears that it can. And so can convenience. Shonali works out twice a week with Maryland-based trainer Grant Hill who practices “bootcamp inspired personal training” and says that her husband recently joined her.” She explains “what I particularly love about Grant’s approach is that he comes to my neighborhood and we work out at a local nearby park. I just LOVE this,” she exclaims, “it’s great to exercise outdoors, even in the cold, rain and snow.” Each session lasts 45 to 50 minutes and entails total body conditioning circuits. And when she doesn’t work out with Grant, she says that she either goes for an hour-long walk in her neighborhood, incorporating lunges into her walks, or uses an elliptical at home for at least 25 to 30 minutes. Kami says that she’s also enrolled in a Boot Camp program, and will be participating it in everyday. “I knew [that] I needed accountability, and since I have been in the habit of exercise before (she ran marathons in her 20s and 30s), I know it takes getting into that groove.”
However, if boot camp isn’t your thing, perhaps an individualized program (with a little help from an at-home trainer) resonates better. Julie says that she started with walking, especially when she moved from New England (where she says she just naturally moved more) to Texas (where, for landscape and weather changes) meant that she had to be more deliberate in her efforts. Eventually, she added jogging, hand weights and other ‘switch ups,’ and when she felt she had hit the wall, got busier and found herself bored with her routine, she “started doing Denise Austin Wake Up and Go workouts.” Compared to walking and jogging, she’s “noticing much better results, adding that “overall, my energy is up so I’m likely to jump up to do something than feel too tired to move.”
Get into the groove
For each of these women, self realization and routines are rote and part and parcel of their lives. But they are also the motivators that have helped them push themselves to make a commitment towards healthier lifestyles. It’s strange how life sometimes delivers a message over and over again. But nothing changes until we are willing to listen and get into our grooves to create new patterns that work for us.
Change is never ‘one size fits all.’ The overriding theme in these changes however, is that it’s never too late to get back on the horse.
On Wednesday, I’ll share how physical activity coupled with dietary changes has led to some incredible personal outcomes.
Meanwhile, tell me what pushes you? Have you recently made similar changes in your life?
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Wednesday Bubble: Yes, you can!
If you are anything like me, you may not always think you can, even though you are capable, smart and talented. And as women, we often find ourselves questioning our abilities (even though we are capable, smart and talented). For example, when was the last time you asked for a salary increase? Or defended yourself against a bully? Or took the bull by the horns and made that change that you’ve been telling yourself that you are going to make for a zillion months? Well? When?
No worries, because I’m not going to go all kumbaya on you. It’s not my style. But I would like to share my own ‘yes, you can’ moment, in hopes that it might motivate at least one person to take the first step they’ve been procrastinating about taking.
Let’s talk about taking the bull by the horns, aka, there’s no time like the present. First, a bit of context.
The last quarter of 2011 was a trying time for me. Business issues became all consuming, I was traveling a lot, sleeping a little, drinking too much and had swayed from diet. All of which add up to zero. And by the end of this time, I ended up a few pounds heavier, exhausted and truly out of balance. Not a great way to start a new year. And hence, my body revolted, forcing me not only to slow down but to stop entirely; I contracted a viral infection of the inner ear that resulted in terrible vertigo. And if you have ever had vertigo, you know that it ain’t pretty. Or fun.
This year, I have made a few promises to myself, mostly, to shed those couple of pounds that are hanging on, improve my eating habits and try the hardest to stay balanced. The latter part of this does not necessarily jive with my A type personality but so far it’s working. But more importantly? Yesterday I challenged myself to run a 10k at the gym. And I completed it in a fairly good time. Although once an avid runner, I have not run any admirable distance in decades. And it felt really good, AND dragged me out of the January doldrums. Mostly though? I realized that I can; I can get back into a healthy groove, maintain some calm, rethink where I am in my life right now and if it’s where I want to be. And if not, I can define what’s next on the horizon and work towards making it happen. Because, I can kick it. I can run a 10K if I feel like it.
Guess what? So can you.
Promise me that the next time that little voice in your head starts to talk you out of taking a step, even it’s a baby step, that you’ll pause and tell yourself “yes, I can.” And then just try…cuz:
Before this did you really know what life was,
Comprehend to the track for its wide cos,
Gettin mentions on the tip of the vibe buzz,
Rock ‘n’ roll to the beat of the funk fuzz,
Wipe your feet really good on the rhythm rug,
If you feel the urge to freak do the jitter bug,
Come and spread your arms if you really need a hug…
[Lyrics: A Tribe Called Quest]
Kumbaya? Maybe a wee little bit. Wednesday? No bubble this week. Just a little inspiration and whole lot of admiration..
Kick it.
Read MoreFinding the ME in menopause. Guest post by Kelley Connors
Sometimes you meet a person and know instantly that s/he will be an influencer in your life, someone who shares a common interest and someone who can teach you a few important lessons. Kelley Connors is one of those people. I met Kelley at a conference last Fall and continue to be wowed by her contributions to women and their health. Thanks Kelley, for this great post!
The ME in menopause is a journey, or as best-selling author, Gail Sheehy, might say, a passage. Only there are distinct differences from that original publication back in 1976 when Ms. Sheehy was in her late 30’s, and first wrote about the midlife “crisis” as passage point.
Ms. Sheehy is the first to admit that the first book fell short on what would become the real midlife, as she had no idea of what 50 might look like herself in 1976, other than distinctly “old” images of her mother and father. (Since then Ms. Sheehy has written New Passages and Passages for Caregivers, inspiring many women like me to also share my “passage”.)
Things are different today, in 2012, as we now know that menopause is a time of estrogen-deficiency, and not a crisis at all, but a virtual gateway to the next 30-40 more years of life. It’s a time of awakening, of realizing our potential, and potentially a very free-ing time in our lives.
That’s how I’ve chosen to see this time in my life and I’d like to be one of the increasing numbers of “old” women, who might see 92 from the third seat in a scull, and rowing in a Master’s rowing event instead of succumbing to osteoporosis, one of my biggest risk factors.
So, with my vision for how I wanted to be at 92, I became more interested in creating a foundation for wellbeing, a pathway that would give me the tools for a positive mindset, a flexible and strong body, and the energy to be creative – all factors in assuring longevity. Research shows us that doing all we can do in our 50’s is critical to setting a foundation for living well through out our life – emotionally, physically and spiritually.
How I Have Reinvented Menopause (so far)
As I near menopause, I decided to take new steps – steps that I had previously not really considered important in my life.
Once I learned about how the physiological changes associated with estrogen loss, I decide to be more proactive in preserving my quality of life, and perhaps even gain strength, muscle mass and, the holy grail, fulfillment and happiness. One thing was motivating me for sure – I did not want to succumb to the conflicting and disingenuous advertising messages we’re bombarded with as we women age!
First, exercise for wellbeing. I made a decision to join a women’s rowing, or crew team. It was not a decision that was easy to make, as I’m not an early morning person, but, as I’ve come to appreciate, there’s nothing like rowing with like-minded women on calm waters – and, there’s no better way to start a hectic day than rowing at 7 am. The really great thing about rowing is that you have to learn to “recover” from each stroke, giving you the cardiovascular strength you need to row for at least 30 minutes and possibly, achieve your target heart rate for at least 20 minutes. Cardiovascular strength training such as rowing or bike riding, is good for your heart, and makes you feel better, giving you a sense of wellbeing. While you will probably loose weight, the sense of wellbeing will be motivation enough to continue your commitment to yourself. You might even be able to rid yourself of an anti-depressant prescription!
Second, take a proactive mindset instead of a reactive mindset around nutrition. One of the changes I made to my diet, as a result, was taking dietary supplements. New research shows that taking a multi-vitamin may not help us women live longer. However, there are several key dietary supplements that are recommended for menopausal women such as fish oil supplements ( Omega-3 fatty acids), Vitamin D and Calcium. Have you considered taking any of these supplements that are proven to help menopausal women?
Third, I created my first ME-Pause. This “ME-pause” was packaged in a not so neat bow, with no clear answer, no clinical trails, and, ironically, no obvious relationship to my health. My Me-Pause was a defining moment as I declared the death of my life as a run-on sentence. Taking time to pause, reflect, think and plan have become more important to me. Putting a comma in a sentence is a good thing.
My ME-Pause turned out to be a cultural expedition to a little known ancient civilization, the last Shangri-La and a Buddhist haven nestled in the Himalayan Mountains – Bhutan. A remote civilization with few roads and hundreds of temples, Bhutan measures its progress by Gross National Happiness – as opposed to GNP. As Buddhists, the Bhutanese believe happiness arises from causing happiness in others. It’s more than a fleeting feeling of joy, but a belief in the power of positive thoughts, simple acts of kindness and love that transform people, communities and our relationship to the world.
The overarching result of my two-week trip to Bhutan with my aunt remains significant in my life today. I’m looking at menopause as a glass half full, a time in my life that is just the beginning to finding and designing the second half of my life with renewed passions and interests. I’m seeing, for the first time, that I can create my own wellspring for living better .. and into old age..and just maybe, I’ll have that third seat in the scull with three other women rowing the calm waters of the early morning.
About the author…Kelley Connors, MPH, is a women’s wellness coach, marketer and advocate for women’s health. She is the founder of Real Women on Health and President and Chief Creative Officer for KC Health.
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