Inspiration

Keep Soaring

Posted by Liz on May 21, 2010 in Inspiration | 4 comments

Yesterday, I made a comment on Twitter that I was going to be soaring with the birds today. This is a dream of mine that I’ve had for some time now. A dream that started after I realized that I probably would never learn to fly a propeller plane or jump out of one. A dream to savor the quiet of the wind much like I savor the quiet of the sea when I go sailing. So,  I decided that this year, I would make that dream happen.

When I mentioned that my lesson had been confirmed, a Twitter colleague “tweeted” back: keep soaring.

I can’t imagine a better way to start a new year or a new chapter with these words. Keep soaring.

I believe that too often, I, like many people, forget that small setbacks are what frame the larger picture, build character, increase knowledge and wisdom and ultimately fade away into the vapers until they are so small we wonder why they felt so big at the time.

This has been a challenging year with a few big and small dreams gone awry. But I guess that I don’t have much choice but to keep soaring. I hope that today allows me to let some of those disappointments fly into the wind and in the process, create a few new dreams.

In celebration of women…more of my conversation with chef/author Mollie Katzen

Posted by Liz on Mar 8, 2010 in Inspiration | 8 comments

It’s International Women’s Day. A day to celebrate women of all ages, races, ethnicity and religion, to celebrate women as essential and relevant beings. Yet, as I write today in a post on Women Grow Business, although women are more engaged and successful than ever, the woman in the mirror might not have much to say about the fact that her image is likely disappearing right before her eyes — just as she’s reaching the pinnacle of her career.  In fact, in a ‘visual culture’ like ours’, where youth and beauty are often valued more than experience and ‘foundation,’ many women find that they eventually cease to exist.

The Woman Grow Business post primarily focuses on how ageism affects our careers and the steps we can take to overcome inherent societal challenges. My friend, chef/author Mollie Katzen, played an important role in shaping that post.  In fact, it evolved out of an initial conversation that we had when we were discussing women, food and aging.

However, I’d like to share some additional insights that Mollie lends to concept of the disappearing woman. Let’s face it: although we live in a society that is “no country for old women,” [Credit for tag – Sadhbh Walshe, guardian.co.uk] perhaps we can shift the societal gaze to within and not without. Like Mollie, I know a number of middle-aged women who feel the need to adjust their physical appearance in order to compete. The gambit runs from hair color and botox to face lifts and labiaplasty. The question is, are these things taking time and focus away from our work (or who we are)? Granted, I color my hair and have been doing so for decades. I am not ready to embrace my gray. Does this mean that I am not ready to embrace myself or that I am somehow exacerbating my disappearing act?

Mollie is fortunate in that her chosen career is one of the few where, she says, “women are not only allowed to age but that [age] is seen as an enhancement to credibility.” However, she suggests that the more women are out there looking their age, the likelier it is for older women to do so.

However, here’s the rub: What does your age look like?

Mollie says that throughout her life, she’s been greatly helped by Gloria Steinem’s famous quote when told she didn’t look 40: “this is what 40 looks like,” said Steinem. “That phrase has been my mantra,” explains Mollie; “this is what I look like.”

For me personally, this gives me permission to dress in ways that make me feel good about myself, and perhaps even color my hair to reinforce that feeling. Mollie concurs:  “instead of hoping to look 35, try looking your best for who you are. Emphasizing that she dislikes and tries to avoid platitudes at all costs, Mollie agreed to share a few strategies that she and her friends have created. “They seem like small things,” says Mollie, “but they make a huge difference in how you come across:”

• Posture! The first sign of “older” is often stooped shoulders. Standing tall conveys confidence and strength. “Anyone who is not attracted to that is someone you don’t need in your life.”
• Keep a focused gaze. “Looking sharp sharpens, Mollie explains. “Glazing over glazes you over.”
• “A smile is the best and cheapest face lift. Especially when it is genuine; your smile, not theirs.”
• Breathe deeply. Then speak. “When you do speak, let your voice come from your abdomen and be fueled by that deep breath.” (This isn’t easy, btw.)
• “Don’t ask your sentences unless they are questions.” (Remember Valley Girl by Frank Zappa?)
• “Try to find the love in all situations.” (I need work on this!). Mollie explains that in most cases, this needs to come from within. “Recognize that sometimes that love can take the form of putting up a boundary. Recognize also, that putting up that boundary can be cloaked in warmth and humor, even while you are being assertive.”  She adds that “true personal power can be a warming and loving representation.”

Additionally, perhaps we need focus more on playing up our strengths and working on self-acceptance.  “Develop your own style of centering and use it to solidify,” advises Mollie. “Change or leave bad relationships.” (This could also refer to bad business relationships.) Seek support.

Platitudes or reality? As middle-aged women, can’t we create (or redefine) our reality. Most successful revolutions start with small steps. Our evolution as women depends on it.

Stirring the pot, part 2: recipes from author/chef Mollie Katzen

Posted by Liz on Feb 8, 2010 in Inspiration | 2 comments

Food is powerful. It can engage, embrace, empower and entertain. It can inspire community, sharing and love. It can make you feel “I am woman (or man)” or stir powerful memories.

Mollie Katzen has shared two of her favorites that respectively represent empowerment and community. The first, from her book Still Life with Menu, is filled with greens and pasta and feta cheese, a powerful combination of flavors, textures and nutritious wonder.  The second is a lovely Indian-inspired dish; truly, what’s better than a big, thick dal with split peas and lots of exotic spices?

Enjoy!

Pasta with Greens & Feta

Mollie Katzen (© All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission.)

Here is a painless way to slip some of those ultra-nutritious bitter greens into our diet.  You can use any combination of kale, mustard, collard, dandelion, escarole, chard, beet,  turnip, or spinach.

The instructions call for “short, substantial pasta,” and I have suggested a few forms. This kind of sauce, with tender pieces of onion and bite-sized flecks of greens, studded with soft crumbles of feta, adheres best to small shapely units of pasta.  Each mouthful of this dish delivers a beautiful integration of textures and truly satisfying flavor.

3 to 6 tablespoon olive oil

3 to 4 cups chopped onion (pieces can be on the large side – up to you)

3 or more bunches leafy greens – washed, dried, stemmed (if necessary) and coarsely chopped (8 or more cups chopped)

Salt

3/4 pound penne, fusilli, shells, orechiette, farfalle, or some comparable short, substantial pasta

1 cup crumbled feta cheese

Freshly ground black pepper

Chopped walnuts, lightly toasted (optional)

Put up the pasta water to boil.  Place a deep skillet or Dutch oven over medium heat, and wait for about a minute. Add the olive oil and swirl to coat the pan, then wait another 30 seconds or so. Add the onions, and cook for about 10 minutes over medium heat, stirring occasionally.  Meanwhile, add the pasta to the water when it boils.

Add as many of the chopped greens as will fit to the skillet, salt lightly, and stir until the greens begin to wilt.  The wilting will make room for more of the greens, so add as many more as will fit, salting lightly as you go, and lifting/turning the greens (cooked and uncooked) with tongs.   Keep doing this over medium-low heat until all the greens are in and they are all wilted.

When the pasta is done to your liking (keep it on the al dente side) scoop it out with a “spider” or a strainer, bit by bit, hold it over its cooking water briefly to drain, then add it directly to the potful of sauce. (You don’t need to drain the pasta thoroughly – okay if some water adheres…) Mix with tongs until reasonably well blended, sprinkling in the feta as you go.  Grind in a generous amount of black pepper.

Cook the complete dish just slightly over low heat for just a few minutes (really just until the feta melts in a little). Serve immediately, topped with walnuts, if desired.

Preparation time: About 40 minutes. Yield:  4 to 6 servings

Yellow Split Pea Dahl

Mollie Katzen  (© All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission.)

“Dahl” in Indian cooking refers to porridgelike dishes made from legumes – usually split peas, mung beans, or lentils.  Dahl is often served in a thinned state as a soup, but equally often, it well be a thick, hearty side dish.  This is a thick one, comprehensive and highly spiced enough to be the focus of a meal.  It goes beautifully with basmati rice (I especially like the rice with toasted almonds added), and keeps and reheats very well.

2 cups yellow split peas

2 tablespoons peanut oil or canola oil

1 tablespoon cumin seeds

2 tablespoons ground coriander

2 tablespoons mustard seeds

2 teaspoons turmeric

1 teaspoon cinnamon

10 to 12 medium-sized garlic cloves, minced or crushed

1 1/2 teaspoons salt (or to taste)
3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice (or to taste)

Freshly ground black pepper

Cayenne

Place split peas and 10 cups water in a soup pot or Dutch oven Cover and heat to boiling point, then reduce heat and simmer very slowly, partially covered – stirring intermittently- for about 2 1/2 hours, or until very soft.

About 45 minutes into the simmering, heat the oil in a small skillet (over medium-low heat) and add the cumin and mustard seeds.  Cook for 2 to 3 minutes, stirring often, until the seeds smell toasty and make popping noises.  Add the remaining spices and the half the garlic, and sauté for another 2 to 3 minutes, or until everything is heated through and well mingled.  Add this mixture to the simmering split peas.

About 45 minutes later, add the remaining garlic.  Stir and continue to simmer.  As the dahl becomes thicker, you can add a heat diffuser under the pot to prevent sticking.  You can also add more water – 1/4 cup at a time.

When the split peas are tender, add salt, lemon juice, black pepper, and cayenne to taste.  Again, if desired, okay to add small mounts of additional water.  Simmer for about 5 to 10 minutes further, and serve hot.

Preparation time:  A few minutes of work; 2 1/2 hours of independent simmering Yield:  6 to 8 servings (maybe more, depending on the context)

Wednesday Bubble: Bifocals, babies, hot steamy flashes of perspective. It is enough.

Posted by Liz on Nov 11, 2009 in Inspiration | 1 comment

A year ago I was fortunate to meet Author and Woman Extraordinaire Patti Digh. We met at an intimate reading of her book, Life is a Verb, in Washington DC. Since that time, I’ve repeatedly asked Patti to grace Flashfree with her words and her presence. She has graciously sent me the following guest post. Thank you Patti…

I got bifocals and gave birth in the same year. Now, six years later, the first hot flash has hit. I celebrated my fiftieth birthday this past August, telling everyone I knew that I was reaching that magic age, shamelessly announcing this momentous occasion to everyone I met. I stood on the beach at sunrise on that day–August 16–with my oldest daughter (who turned 17 the very day I turned 50) and wondered to myself if that would be the last birthday I would ever see.

If it was, it was enough.

It is enough.

None of us knows whether tomorrow will come. It’s a lesson I’ve learned many times over in my life—you have too, I’m sure—and it’s a lesson I’ve pondered daily for the past five years—how to live like you’re dying (because we all are), extracting every ounce of joy and pain from each day.

Many people disparage aging, joke about it, dread it. With a father who died at 53, I see every day as a gift he never had. He was dead far too young; perhaps my old age will be in homage to the one he never got.

For a long time in my life, I have felt I would reach my most powerful at 50. And having reached that point in the road, I believe that is true. Not my most fit, certainly, or my most rested, but my most powerful. There is a power in the transformation that starts taking place when power surges heat us up from the inside out. There is a power in the knowledge that we have nothing to prove, not one damn thing. There is power in knowing that we have every single thing we need, that we need nothing else, that we are fully human and gorgeously odd and contradictory and beautiful just as we are. That we are hot in the very deepest, richest, metaphorically resonant use of that term.
That we are not broken. That we don’t need to be fixed.

This decade for me is going to be one of simplification. Just as I peel off clothing to cool off several times a day, my infernal engine is fueling me to peel off things and toxic people and projects I dread, things I said “yes” to and immediately regretted.

Two months after turning 50, I have had a health scare, a big one, an “isn’t it ironic that this should happen to the woman who writes about what she would be doing if she only had 37 days to live?” one. My first two thoughts? 1) I have to clean out my house because I can’t leave this mess for others to see; and 2) My girls. I can’t leave my girls and my love.

That was good information for me.

I am calling in the dumpster—for files and old magazines and clothes whose single digit size I’ll never see again—and for fears and hesitations and waiting for someone to show me the way. I am calling in the dumpster for playing it safe and being practical and for bemoaning the fact that I have lines on my face and sweat stains on my best silk blouse.  I am calling in the dumpster for people who are toxic to me with their whining and complaining and gossiping and blaming. I am calling in the dumpster for regret.

But before that, I’m going sky-diving with my 17-year-old simply because she has always wanted to. And baking cookies with my 6-year-old because she loves feeling the dough with her dirty, dimpled little hands and sneaking bites of it, uncooked and raw, like life.

It is enough. I am enough. I am bifocaled and hot and lumpy and messy and spectacular. And so are you.

About Patti Digh

Patti Digh is the author of Life is a Verb and has written two business books on global leadership and diversity, one named a Fortune magazine “best business book for 2000.” Jer comments have appeared on PBS, and in the Wall Street Journal, Fortune, the New York Times, USAToday, the Washington Post, and London Financial Times, among other national and international publications. She speaks around the world on diversity, global business, and living intentionally.

Patti is also co-founder of The Circle Project, a consulting and training firm that partners with organizations and the people in them to help them work more effectively and authentically together across difference.

She lives in Ashville, NC with her husband, two daughters and various animals.

Learn more about Patti, her work and her blog, 37 Days. You can also find Patti on Twitter and Facebook.

Aging backwards in minutes: a guest post by Jackie Silver

Posted by Liz on Oct 23, 2009 in Inspiration | 6 comments

So what does she mean by “aging backwards?” And in only 30 minutes a day? Come on!

Seriously, Author and friend Jackie Silver’s has some awesome tips on how to turn back the clock in only minutes a day. Just look at her; she’s a force to be reckoned with for sure!

Someone once said to me, “Look at you, you just sit around and have beauty treatments all day long, don’t you?” Actually, nothing could be further from the truth. It doesn’t take “having beauty treatments all day long” to keep Aging Backwards. That’s the “beauty” of what I do. I find all kinds of secrets, tips and shortcuts to pass along to you that make it easy to look and feel young while still living your life. Not many people have time to “sit around and have beauty treatments all day,” including me!

Here are some quick tips for Aging Backwards when, like me, you can’t make it your “full-time job.”

1) Instantly younger hands. Everyone knows by now that hands can show your age. In fact, many celebrities have been victims of ridicule for their “old lady” hands and the paparazzi loves to snap photos of them (just look on the internet). I found this tip by accident one day while experimenting with SPF lotions: Tinted sunscreen does double duty when it comes to your hands. Not only does it protect your hands from sun damage, but the tint actually gives a subtle youthfulness to hands. Another quick way to lose years from your hands is with polish and jewelry. According to a study, people thought photos of hands with polish and jewelry looked younger than the same hands without the polish and jewelry.

2) One minute relaxer. Try this several times a day for a quick and simple way to calm and relax yourself. Take a deep breath. Hold it for a count of five, release it for a count of seven. Repeat three to five times.

3) Five minute makeup. Another shocking comment I heard from an acquaintance one day was, “You probably take two hours to get ready to go out so you should start now.” Excuse me? I can do my makeup in roughly five minutes and here’s how: I start with my SPF 30 sunscreen. Next, I dot a bit of concealer under each eye and blend. Then, I lightly brush on my mineral powder foundation, followed by a little blush. Eye shadow, liner and mascara come next, followed by lip liner and gloss. That’s it. I’ve even been known to take under five minutes for the whole thing. I interviewed Bruce Grayson, head of the Emmy’s makeup department, for my book, Aging Backwards: Secrets to Staying Young (http://budurl.com/kdzv) and he told me that we need less makeup as we age, not more. So, a five-minute makeup routine is just right for me.

4) Six minute cat nap. Six minutes – that’s all the time you need for a “power nap” that will not only make you feel better, but will also improve your ability to learn and remember, according to German researchers at the University of Duesseldorf. The researchers performed experiments in which they asked students to review and memorize a list of 30 words. Afterwards, the participants were allowed to play a video game or take a nap in a quiet room. The nappers remembered more words than the video gamers. The results suggest that most of the memory improvement is linked to changes that take place in the brain just as you start to fall asleep. “These processes remain active for a certain time period even if sleep is terminated shortly thereafter,” said Olaf Lahl, the study’s lead author.

5) Ten minute jump rope workout. Skipping rope is an awesome way to keep Aging Backwards. Of course, check with your doctor before doing it, especially if you have health issues, and be careful not to trip yourself if you’re new to jumping rope. Start with a slow skip until you get the hang of it. Here’s what I do: I warm up with a slow jump for about a minute and then I rest. I do another minute of jumping, upping my pace this time around. Then, another rest period. I repeat this pattern for ten minutes, each time jumping a little harder and faster than the last. That’s it! Easy, effective workout.

Doing all of these tips back-to-back would take less than half an hour. So you can see that staying young is definitely not a full-time job when you know the Aging Backwards shortcuts.

About Jackie…
Jackie Silver is Aging Backwards and she shares her secrets, tips and shortcuts in her book, Aging Backwards: Secrets to Staying Young, on her Web site, on TV, on radio, in print and in person. She is the anti-aging expert on the syndicated television show, Daytime, the beauty editor for Clear Channel’s Mix 100.7 FM Nancy & Chris Mornings in Tampa Bay, Florida and a weekly columnist with The Tampa Tribune. In addition, she’s an expert contributor to Total Health Breakthroughs () and BestLifeDesign.com, as well as a regular contributor to FocusOnStyle.com,Galtime.com and HealthNewsDigest.com. Silver is a sought-after speaker and coach who combines her natural reporter’s curiosity with her desire to help others look and feel young. Her book is available at: Amazon.com and AgingBackwards.com.

Guest post: Explore your P.A.S.S.I.O.N.: an excerpt from ‘The Fearless Factor’

Posted by Liz on Oct 5, 2009 in Inspiration | 1 comment

I was recently asked to read Author and Motivational Speaker Jacqueline Wales’ book The Fearless Factor, an overview of her journey of self-discovery and self-fulfillment. The deeper I delved, the more intrigued I became with her personal struggles and with her story, and the more convinced I was that her messages fit well with those of Flashfree — namely that honoring the things that challenge us the most is the greatest gift that we can give to ourselves. As Jacqueline writes “It’s hard to get anything done if you don’t believe in all you can be.”

Here’s an excerpt. Enjoy!

Three years ago I started Fearless Fifties, and as I reflected on what my life has been I realized that P.A.S.S.I.O.N. was an acronym for the seven stages I went through to make changes in my life, and it applies equally to everyone I’ve ever spoken with about the nature of change. The seven steps are Permission, Action, Strength, Support, Inspiration, Owning (confidence) and Nurture.

• Permission. Step number one was giving myself Permission to move beyond the limitations and fears that held me in a negative grip, Permission to step away from asking others if it was okay for me to live my life the way I wanted. Permission granted to myself to create whatever I wanted. To take a new direction. To make decisions that were good for me.
• Action. I had to make a plan, or at least have a sense that whatever’ wanted was possible if’ would only do things differently. I began to focus on what was true to me.’ began to think about what it would take for me to do what I wanted to do. To become who I wanted to become. To write well, I need teachers, to sing well, I need teachers, to become a black belt in karate, I needed teachers. But I also needed com­mitment and focus, and a stick-to-it attitude that evolved as I made my plans.
• Strength. When I took action I began to under­stand my own Strength. All my life I had battled the demons of insecurity, lack of self-esteem, depres­sion, and abuse. I began to understand that not everyone makes it through to this other side. Many, like my brother, end up in jail, or, like my father, succumb to the deadly grip of drugs and alcohol. You could say the deck was stacked against my succeeding, but somewhere buried under the dung heap was the belief that there was always something more for me. On reflection, I realized that it took enormous strength of will to overcome many of these obstacles, and that would continue to support me in my forward motion.
• Support. As I developed my strengths, I searched for Support to help me get further along the path. I found therapists, coaches, inspirational speakers, books and tapes to educate myself and learn from the past Getting support was the key to my success. Without these amazing guides on my journey, I would never have known which path to take.
• Inspiration. On this journey through my own jungle , received Inspiration from all the people I had worked with, and met. As a result, , was hungry for more and began to feel confident about what I was doing.
• Own It. Developing confidence takes time, and a lot of people who believe in you as you learn how to believe in yourself.’ began to Own who’ was becoming because’ could see ME more clearly. I removed the veil of the past and’ developed confidence in my skills, my experiences, and my knowledge. I called it standing in my own shoes.
• Nurturing. I had to learn how to Nurture myself. I gave myself permission to do what was good for me, had regular massages, went to visit the chiropractor, and exercised regularly. Stopped drinking, gave up drugs, learned how to speak to me with kindness and compassion, and did this because I realized if I took care of me , could then take care of others more appropriately.

The passion I speak of is the thing that gets you out of bed in the morning. in the best possible circumstances, passion drives your choices around work, money, relationships, and what to do with the rest of your life.

The first step to putting PASSION into your life is PERMISSION.

We make too many excuses for what we don’t do and why we can’t do it, and we frequently ask if it’s okay for us to be doing something instead of stepping up and saying, “This is what I need to do. This is what I will do. This is all about me, not you.” We apologize for our existence, instead of celebrating it. We don’t ask for what we want, until it’s too late when we realize we are not getting what we want. So you must give yourself permission to live life on your own terms.

Finding your passion is essential to living your best life. I have never worked harder, nor felt so fulfilled as I do at this time. Learning how to give myself what I needed was the key.

*  *  *

A question for the author

What does it mean to be fearless in midlife? Is there any distinction in the approach based on where women are in their emotional, physical and social strata during this time in the lives?

We have reached a place where we are free from many of constrictions of family and career.  Many are experiencing empty nest, and are exploring new ways of being in the world.  We may have established ourselves in a career that is still thriving, while others may be asking what they want to do for the rest of their lives and are looking for meaning and purpose as they follow their passions, or are deciding what passions were left behind in the day to day tasks.  Many are also choosing to end long term relationships because they no longer fill their needs.  It is almost like a second adolescence in that there is a sense of greater freedom.  However, for many, these changes come with fears, doubts and anxieties about growing older, about retirement and financial risks, about not  having enough to be comfortable in later life, or having health issues.

All of these are reason enough to stay stuck, but being fearless in midlife is more about facing those challenges and looking for new ways to approach things. I like to say, ‘It’s My Turn’ and also “It’s not about age…it’s about attitude.”  It goes a long way to finding the right solutions to the problem. That’s why ‘The Fearless Factor’ was written.

About Jacqueline Wales…Jacqueline Wales is known the world over as The Black Belt Millionaire.  Her unique programs have helped women around the globe develop strong personal success, confident communication and clear visions of their goals. She is the author of five books including The Fearless Factor.

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