Writing your way through change. A guest post by Joanna Paterson
Are you a ‘Writer’ or a ‘writer?’ Join guest author Joanna Paterson as she finds a bridge between the two as they relate to midlife, a sense of self and community. You might be surprised at what you discover…
Heroes – in myth, literature, and real life – take journeys, confront dragons (ie problems) and discover the treasure of their true selves. Although they may feel very alone during the quest, at its end their reward is a sense of community; with themselves, with other people, and with the earth ~ Carol Pearson
Maybe it was leaving work in the corporate world as I turned forty, maybe it was having my son early and trying to learn how to deal with the transition to life post active motherhood at the age of thirty nine (five years on, still trying), maybe it was a deep-rooted need to spend time figuring out patterns and meaning before I moved properly into the second half of my life, maybe it was some or all of these, but in any event, learning how to navigate the midlife has defined and shaped my experience over the last seven or eight years.
I love the quote from Carol Pearson about confronting dragons, because to me it sums up so much of what the midlife is about. It’s the invitation to take that journey, it’s having the courage to confront dragons including those that appear to be of your own making, and in essence it’s about discovering the nature of your true self.
For me, writing is a core element of that last bit, the discovering of the nature of yourself. (It can also be a useful companion when you’re feeling just a wee bit scared of the latest dragon 😉
Getting started comes more easily with a bit of structure and support. Even something as simple as linking your words to things you see when you’re out and about can help to get you into the flow. Currently, I’m teaching classes at the Mid Life Journal that will guide women into exercises that entail writing, walking and photo-taking to help them get used to reflecting on what they’re seeing, noticing, and writing about.”
But, what if you’re not a “Writer” but a “writer?’
Writing can take many shapes and forms and you don’t need to be a Writer with a capital W to get a deep sense of satisfaction from your words. You can write just for yourself in a journal. You can pen poems. You can start writing short pieces of nonfiction from a chapter or just a moment of your life. They might not go anywhere, you might not share them, but the act of writing can help you take stock, and gain perspective.
With the advent of blogging and social media you can also write some of your experience online. Write it, and share it. The great thing about this kind of writing is that it doesn’t need to be polished (in fact the more polished it is, the less well it works), it just needs to express some aspect of you, from the heart.
That’s where the magic comes in: from the sense of connection you can get not just to your own words, but to your own self. And that’s also where the deep sense of connection with others comes from as you share your words, and a bit of your story, your self, your world. It’s that reward Pearson talks about at the end of the quest: a sense of community; with yourself, with other people, and with the earth
It’s the reason I write, and the reason I coach and mentor others to tap into the power of their own words. It’s also the reason I want to spread the word about writing: because I think it offers such a simple yet powerful way to get past the dragons, and then to make connections, with each other, and our selves.
Have you found ways to write your way through change? I’d love to hear your experience – it’s a great way to connect!
About the author…
Joanna Paterson is a journal and writing coach who helps people tap into the power of their own words. You can find out more about creative ways to get through the middle of life at The Mid Life Journal.
Read MoreWednesday Bubble: Are you an addict?
The other night, I came to an important realization, one that pretty much bursts the bubble that I’ve built around myself and who I think I am.
I have an addiction. I am an addict.
There! I said it.
I’m not addicted to illegal drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, prescription pills or sex. I’m not addicted to clothes shopping, sweets, food or possessing the latest, greatest, newest, awesomest shiny object. I’m not addicted to drama (although some folks in my life may care to differ with that statement!). Rather, I have become addicted to the one thing I never thought I’d be addicted to:
Convenience.
I’m addicted to convenience to the point that when something becomes a bit inconvenient, I don’t function properly. I lose perspective and the ground becomes rather shaky under my feet. My head swirls and my emotional self takes over my intellectual self and it’s a race to the finish. Inevitably, the emotional self wins.
Like many folks in my neighborhood and surrounding county, the power source to my home failed this past weekend. It was hot and sweltering, the food in my freezer and refrigerator spoiled and ready access to the internet and entertainment was all but taken away from me, except via my cell and the kindness of friends and family. It became difficult to work and juggle my daily responsibilities. And for several days running, I found myself frustrated, aggravated and hot, heated to just under boiling point. Even more importantly however, for several nights I found myself in the dark…both literally and figuratively…until the wee hours of the night wake-up call when my lights were suddenly all ablaze and the fans a-whirring and my head, no long spinning.
Should I look at the restoration of power as a simple act of none other than Pepco? Or, should I take it as a sign that it’s time to wake up and acknowledge that I have gotten to the point of allowing my addiction to run my life, that little inconveniences, even when they pile up, are not necessarily worse than spilt milk. After all, folks in NOLA lost power, their homes and their dignity during Katrina. In Haiti, most still live in makeshift tents. Who am I to complain about a few inconveniences?
Midlife is full of challenges: aging, physical changes and financial issues. For women, these challenges can be exacerbated by yo-yo-ing hormones, so much so that small piles can easily look ginormous. But part of navigating the change is learning how to navigate the bumps and demons and small piles and emotional turmoil.
I’m learning, truly I am. But lifelong addictions can be difficult habits to break.
For now, simply admitting that I am an addict feels like a big step forward.
Read MoreWhy I bake. A guest post by Wendy Goldman Scherer
When I asked Wendy Scherer to take over Flashfree for a day, I didn’t know what she was going to write about. But I love this post. Because it demonstrates that escape from everyday stresses doesn’t always have to come from without, but rather, sometimes, the greatest joys and introspection can be derived even from mini-staycations. Baking as a staycation. Who knew?!
Please show my friend, colleague and family member Wendy Scherer, some FF luv.
I am not a cook. Ask anyone.
I don’t like to cook. And frankly, I’m just not that good at it. I don’t have the patience to cut things into similar sized pieces, nor do I care. I don’t like picking out just the right recipe, reading Cooks Illustrated, or having to time out components to a meal.
I’m quite fortunate that I have a husband who not only loves to cook, but makes terrific food. And considering that I do like to eat well, it’s a pretty cushy deal for me.
When Andrew is out for the night and I’m in charge, I admit I can cook a few things. Quiche, lasagna, chicken pot pie, spaghetti, scrambled eggs, hot dogs. That’s just the beginning of my vast repertoire, but think you get the picture.
Cooking stresses me out. The opposite is true of baking. I lose myself in it. Kneading bread is one of my greatest joys. I know what it should feel like and it’s exciting when it’s just so. Getting the crust to the exact right place before rolling it out. Now, there’s joy. Baking is precise in its proportions. I like that. It’s order. But it’s not science to make it wonderful; that is spirit, gut, instinct.
It just is.
I’ve always baked to relax. To de-stress. It’s like therapy to me, only much, much cheaper. I mean seriously, what costs less than yeast and flour? And I don’t need an appointment, either. The kitchen is open 24/7. And the best part is that I don’t have to eat the goods. There is nothing easier than getting rid of a rustic French loaf, an apple pie, and extra challah, or baguettes. Trust me, it’s true.
I’ve always been this way. See me here at age 11. That’s when I decided that the first thing I want when I grow up is a Kitchen Aid mixer.
And when I lived alone, single in my twenties, there’d be nights when I made a half dozen pies only to drive around the next day delivering them to grandparents and friends.
And now, in the kitchen in my new home, baking has never been better. I have counter space galore and every rolling pin and baking mat has its place. But best of all, I have 3 teenagers to consume whatever I make. And they don’t even realize they’re doing me a favor.
About Wendy Scherer…
Wendy blogs at Finding Blanche http://findingblanche and photoblogs at http://wendyscherer.com and is on Twitter @wendyscherer.
Read MoreMake new friends, but keep the old…
I’m heading West this morning. Way West. And way, way back in time. To 1961 in fact.
For the next six days, I’ll be visiting a woman who I’ve known since I was 3 months old. Long time, right? What strikes me about this particular vacation is that I am stepping back in time and yet, celebrating the now.
We lost contact in high school and reconnected after college. I used to see her regularly when I was living in NYC and she’d come for a month’s worth of painting and art classes.
She reminds of me the good things about my past. And the importance of friends and continuity as we grow older. And while we may live miles away and our daily lives are truly as different as night and day, she is a huge part of my fabric.
And she gets away with calling me ‘Lizzie Tish!’
Read MoreGender and age inequality in film…and all that jazz
Back in March, 2009, I wrote a post about the lack of roles for middle-aged women in film. Of the many inspirations for the topic, the most important was that a good friend had just had her screenplay (which largely focuses on a middle-aged female cast) rejected by the powers that be in Hollywood.
Hence, I was not surprised to learn that findings from a study released earlier this year by the USC Annenburg School for Communication and Journalism demonstrated that women continue to comprise the minority both on the screen and behind the camera, except when they are driving decisions, e.g., as directors, producers and even as writers. After analyzing the top 100-grossing films of 2007 for prevalence/nature of male and female speaking roles, gender of behind the scenes workers and specific characteristics driving the story, the researchers found that:
- Less than a third (29.9%) of 4,379 speaking characters/roles were female
- Less than 20% (n=18) of the films sampled featured a solo female as a main character
- Only 2.7% (n=3) of the directors, 11.2% (n=35) of the writers and 20.5% (n=174) of the producers were women; in other words, women comprised only 17% of all directors, writers and producers of these films, while men accounted for 83%
- Films with at least one female director tended to depict a greater percentage of girls and women on screen (44.6% or n=70) although in this analysis, there were only 3 directors. The researchers state they they observed a similar interaction between the sex of the director and number of women on screen when analyzing Academy Award Best Picture nominated films between the years 19777-2006. Conversely, when men were the film directors, the percentage of women onscreen declined by almost 50% (to 29.3% or n= 1,238)
- To a lesser extent, having female writers or producers tended to feature more women on-screen
More disturbing, women who played on-screen parts tended to function as eye candy, and were thin, physically attractive and wore more revealing clothing. This changed when they were in leading roles and given worthier pursuits, such as fighting societal and personal injustices. Not surprisingly, however, when the leading females were lost, they tended to turn to men or employment to fill their void. Female relationships, when explored, tended to provide conflict within the story and did not necessarily portray the supportive side of these relationships.
One thing I find especially interesting about this research is that it didn’t focus much on age divisions except for with regards to how women are portrayed on screen. In this regard, the researchers noted that the films that portrayed women were more concerrned with their nubile qualities, meaning that they were overwhelmingly young and sexy. When age was taken into account, women between the agers of 40 and 64 only comprised less than a quarter (23.8%) of the characters while women between the ages of 21 and 39 comprised more than half (53.2%). (Note that comparable figures for men were 38.6% and 44.1%, respectively.)
Not only does the gender gap in entertainment continue to exist within many layers of the industry, but it doesn’t appear to have changed much over several decades, despite the inroads made by women in other areas of society.
Clearly, women need to leverage what little power they have in the industry to change this paradigm. Still, one troubling factor remains – middle age is equivalent to “has been,” even when the director, writer or producer is a woman. Women like Meryl Streep or Helen Mirren are not even a dime a dozen but exceptions to every rule that’s been made, at least when it comes to entertainment. I’ve read numerous articles on women in television news being pushed out their jobs because of their age.
Don’t you think that we we need to step back and ask ourselves how an empowered woman can better empower all of her female peers?
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