Posts Tagged "midlife"

Monday Musings: Just don’t call me Ma’am…

Posted by Liz on Aug 30, 2010 in musings | 8 comments

I ran across an interesting piece in yesterday’s New York Times discussing what I call the ‘ma’am factor.’ If  you read it, you may agree with Author Natalie Angiers that for many of us of ‘a certain age, being referred to as ma’am makes us cringe.

M’aam refers to ‘madam’ or during days of yore, was a respectful term for royalty. Today, ma’am is largely used by folks residing in the deep South or the Midwest and remains a word of respect. In the past couple of years, I’ve been called ma’am at grocery stores, liquor store, the movies and department stores. And yet, so far as I am concerned, m’aam is my maiden aunt, my mother, anyone but me.

I am a tailgater,  a woman who was born in the early 1960, in between the Boomers or Gen X’ers. I am part of a generation of women who were at the precipice of post-feminism changes, the now generation, taught at an early age that we could enter the workforce and have a family and have it all and be everything we aspired to be. And the one thing we didn’t aspire to be was to be a ma’am.

Angier aptly expresses what I have felt time and again:

“Behind the link between “ma’am” and “old” is the familiar feminist observation that, whereas a man remains “mister” and “sir” from nursery to nursing home, a woman’s honorifics change depending on her marital status and, barring that, her age. A young miss walks a few miles, and, wedding ring or no, wham, she’s a ma’am. For many women, then, the insertion of the word “ma’am” into an otherwise pleasant social exchange can feel like a tiny jab, an unnecessary station-break to comment on one’s appearance: Hello, middle-aged- to elderly-looking woman, how may I help you this evening? Thanks, prematurely balding man with the weak chin, I’ll take that table over there, in the corner.”

Like Angier, like Mrs. Aragon, I’d rather be called nothing than be called ma’am.

What about you?

Wednesday Bubble: long-term effects of the short-term binge

Posted by Liz on Aug 25, 2010 in exercise, weight | 4 comments

Stress, emotions, life.  All of these factors can contribute to binge eating. However, have you ever wondered if the binges that might occur during long vacations or breaks may contribute to a longer-term problem?

This week, I’m bursting the myth that many of us, including myself, like to tell ourselves after a few weeks of the ‘bad food’ binge, “it won’t hurt.”

Guess what?

This bit of information is straight out of BioMed Central‘s nutrition and metabolism section, and it ain’t pretty. However, the good news is that after reading this, lengthy binges may become a thing of your past and hopefully, not your future.

Researchers are saying that individuals who lead a fairly sedentary lifestyle and consume large amounts of energy (not nutrient) dense food over a period of as little as four weeks may end up with more fat mass over the long-term, even if they lose the weight they’ve gained from binging by returning to usual eating and activity levels.

In this particular case, 18 young men and women (aged ~26 years) who weighed within the normal healthy ranges were asked to increase their daily energy intake by 70% (including at least two fast food meals per day or foods rich in protein and saturated animal fat) over four weeks and limit physical activity to no more than 5,000 steps a day (which they measured using a pedometer). Thereafter, they could return to normal. The findings?

Compared to a group of men and women who ate and exercised normally, a month of binging led to an average weight gain of 14 pounds! Moreover, only a third of the people studied returned to their normal weigh after 6 months, and on average, they still managed to gain an extra 3 pounds by one year’s time following the study. Even worse was the fact that fat mass increased by as much as 3% of the total body weight by the end of the study. When the researchers looked at this separately, they found an average increase in abdominal/trunk fat by ~17% and leg fat mass by 28%.

The underlying message is that a short-term  excessive binge can possibly change your physiology, making it harder to lose the weight and keep it off.

Granted, this is a small study and was conducted in individuals substantially younger than the readers of this blog. Nevertheless, if the findings prove true, it is likely that the longer term ramifications of binging at our age may pose some serious effects on health.

Just a wee bit of food for thought for a Wednesday. Keep it healthy. And move your body.

Wednesday Bubble: The Mommy Factor? It’s personal.

Posted by Liz on Aug 18, 2010 in Uncategorized | 22 comments

I’m fairly active on Twitter. And the other day, someone I follow and respect greatly tweeted the following:

Gaining a whole new appreciation for child-free by choice types and those without kids. Society views these women so very differently.

Recent data released by the Pew Research Center shows that childlessness is increasing in the U.S., with roughly 1 in 5 women past childbearing years currently childless. Although the research points to “never married” as a factor, it also emphasizes the power of individual choice, employment opportunities and most importantly, a growing opinion that ‘without child’ does not equate to ’empty life.’

I am one of those women who are child-free by choice.  I am a statistic. And my life is not empty.

“But aren’t you afraid you’ll regret it someday?”

“Don’t you feel badly that you didn’t give your parents grandchildren?”

“Do you understand what you are missing out on?”

“You’re an old maid.”

Guess what? I’m going to share a little known fact with you.

I became pregnant at a time in my life when I felt I was too unsettled to properly care for a child. A time when I was with a partner with whom I didn’t feel comfortable sharing parenting responsibilities. A time that was simply the wrong time. Period. And after that? I certainly weighed the pros and cons of having children, many times. However, I ultimately decided that I was happier without having children of my own.

Shocking isn’t it?

My experience might resonate with some of you. Others might disapprove of my decisions. At the end of the day? It truly is about personal choice, responsibility and a close, close look at oneself. Not everyone is suitable for parenthood.

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

My life has been filled and surrounded by children for almost two decades now. I am an Aunt to three wonderful, amazing nephews and spending time with them brings me more pleasure than I can adequately express. I am also a surrogate Aunt to the children of an old friend, and although I don’t see them quite as often as I would like, I recently came to the realization that their presence, however sporadic, enriches my experience as a human being and as a woman in ways, again, for which there are no words.

As I near my fiftieth year (perish the thought!), I don’t feel as though the decision to leave the childbearing to other women is one that I regret or will ever regret. I made the decision based on timing, circumstance and a nagging feeling that I wasn’t meant to have a child, at least not in this lifetime, that I had a lot to offer the children in my life in ways that didn’t include being their parent.

So the next time you see a woman walking down the street without a child, or find a couple moving in next door without children, it’s probably best to assume that it’s best if all bets are off. There are many reasons why women don’t have children. And although being a mother is the defining moment for many women I know, I know just about as many who’ve chosen to remain childless and have experienced alternative defining moments in their womenhood, their lives and their spirits.

It’s all about choice. I’m grateful to have had that choice. Not every woman does.

The Jeans Have It

Posted by Liz on Aug 13, 2010 in apparel | 3 comments

After Wednesday’s post about inappropriate dress, I had to share this discovery: hot, comfortable jeans for women who want to mold their bods a bit.

I had the privilege of being included on the guest list for teh Getting Gorgeous event during last week’s BlogHer conference. (Thank you Vera Sweeney and Audrey McClelland!) And while there were a lot of stellar brands represented, one of the best were MiracleBody® Jeans; something that every woman who has had children or women whose bodies are changing due to menopause, hormones or middle age can appreciate.

These lovely jeans rely on a design to maximize the areas you want to and minimize the areas you don’t — namely the tummy area and the thighs.  And while I personally prefer lower cut jeans and am fortunate to have slimmer physique, I  have to admit that they do flatter the figure in ways I would have never thought possible. Hence, the hype about looking 10 lbs thinner instantly really isn’t hype at all. What’s more, these jeans are not just flattering; they are truly comfortable.

I donated my pair to a friend because I didn’t feel that I would wear them as much as they deserve to be worn. Yet, I would recommend them to any woman who is feeling a wee bit self-conscious about a figure that for whatever reason, simply isn’t pleasing to her any longer. Mind you, these jeans are not inexpensive. Yet, I am of the mindset that we all deserve to have at least one article of clothing in our closet that makes us feel like a million buckeroos. In my mind, these jeans have all that and more.

Miracle? Or just a really great product designed and produced with women in mind? You decide! In fact, the kind folks at Miracle Body are offering readers a discount through mid-September:

[Disclosure: Although I received a free pair of jeans at this event, I was not asked to write a blog post nor did I receive any money to do so. As mentioned, the jeans are no longer in my possession.]

Wednesday Bubble: “Age-appropriate” dress for women over 50?

Posted by Liz on Aug 11, 2010 in appearance | 29 comments

Don’t know about you but I’m no dummy. Nor do I want to look like anyone else. So, when I ran across a post the other day claiming that women over 50 should be dressing age-appropiately, I just about lost it. Who’s a dummy?

In the author’s opinion:

• Wearing jeans sends a message that you are trying to recapture one’s youth; even boot cut jeans are inappropriate.
• Shorts shouldn’t be worn because they send a message that the woman over 50 is trying to look young and hip. Rather, capris are more age-appropriate and flattering.
• Women over 50 should not wear tank tops in public.
• Short skirts should not be worn by women over age 35. Rather, knee length is appropriate.

What planet is this woman living on? Moreover, what decade is she living in?

Women over 50 should wear what they feel comfortable wearing. Personally, I am not an advocate of tube tops (who is?), butt cracks, tummy rolls or writing across the ass. Yet, I feel that self-expression is just that — self expression — and I don’t want anyone telling me or anyone else what to wear when, where or how. Like many women my age, I work out regularly and am in great shape. I wear low-cut jeans, tank tops and shorts both at home and in public. I am not trying to make any statement other than this is me and this is how I feel comfortable.

When I think “fifty and older,” I think of Madonna, Meryl Streep and Lauren Hutton, women who have excelled at self-expression and breaking societal rules about age and appearance, rules that don’t apply equally to their male counterparts. When I think “fifty and older,” I think about forced invisibility in the workplace and in society and about ways to counter that. However, when I think “older than fifty,” I do not think old maid, marm, has-been, washed up, ancient or dead.

Ageism is a slippery slope and it’s time that women stop being told that they are supposed to act and dress a certain way based on decade old myths. Seriously, wake up. This is the 21st Century.  And in this century, fifty is the NEW, well, fifty.

I’ve got a message for the author: self expression is important, no matter one’s age. Let’s put aside the “should’s” and bring women out of the dark ages.