Search results for I got all my sisters and me

Bouquet-Worthy, a guest post by Dr. Barb DePree, M.D., Menopause Care Specialist and founder of MiddlesexMD.com

Posted by Liz on Sep 10, 2010 in sexual desire, sexual health | 2 comments

I recently had someone comment that I write about sex often.

I wasn’t aware of that.

In fact, I don’t really. But reader impressions are always welcome; who knows what people see or read or think or interpret, right?

So, on the heels of the write about sex comment, I thought it would be appropriate to include a post about sex, more specifically a website geared towards sexual desire, function and expectations in mid-life. I liked what I saw when I perused the site, so much so that I felt that this post would be most appropriately written by MiddlesexMD.com’s founder, healthcare provider and menopause care specialist,  Dr. Barbara DePree.

A big bouquet of roses waited for me at the front desk of my clinic. It wasn’t my anniversary or my birthday. When I saw who sent them, I smiled that special “good sex” smile, even though the sex I was smiling about wasn’t my own.

I’ve been a women’s health doctor for more than 20 years, focused on midlife women for the past four. These flowers were not from a new mom or a patient with a difficult disease. These came from a patient who got her sex life back. That may not seem like a big win in the scheme of things, but it was a wake-up call for me.

My patient, now in menopause, was distraught that her sex life seemed to be over so soon — too soon. Sex was effortless for most of her life. It had been very satisfying. And suddenly, it wasn’t any more.

We talked about sexual response with her hormonal changes, all of the many factors that could be influencing her experience.  Then we talked about her options for managing these changes.  She tried different routes, but when I introduced her to a device — she had not used them before — that made the difference for her. With the help of a simple tool, she was able to adapt to her new reality, and enjoy sex again.

It was a fairly straightforward doctor-patient exchange, but not a common one. Women rarely talk to their doctors about sex. As a menopause practitioner, though, I know that changes in sexual response are a key source of distress for a lot of women and their partners at this age.

Is it a Doctor’s job to help their patients have good sex? I think it is, absolutely. A healthy sex life sustains our overall health and well-being. Sex is good for us, and helps us to remain vibrant and strong. Menopause isn’t a disease. It’s a natural process. The more we understand this process, and discuss it openly, the easier it will be for us to make adjustments to accommodate our bodies’ changes.

The roses were evidence that my patient’s sex life had been restored.

How many women like her have never raised the question with their doctors. Their gynecologists? Or sisters? Or friends?

I founded MiddlesexMD.com for women who aren’t ready to close the door on sex, and who aren’t sure how or when to talk with their doctors about their experiences.

MiddlesexMD is organized around five “recipe” elements – Knowledge, Vaginal Comfort, Genital Sensation, Pelvic Tone and Emotional Intimacy – that are essential to sexual well-being. It provides a factual guide on how they contribute to a healthy sex life, how they change with menopause, and how to use different techniques and products to make up for those changes.

I hope that MiddlesexMD gives you a trustworthy (and hopefully bouquet-worthy!) resource to explore issues you might be having, conditions that could be causing them, and steps you can take to enjoy sexuality for life.

About the Author

Barb DePree, MD, is a women’s health provider in West Michigan, specializing in menopause care. She founded MiddlesexMD.com, a safe, comfortable place where women can learn how aging affects sex after 40, find advice and techniques, and purchase specially chosen aids such as a personal vibrator, moisturizers and lubricants.

Got ‘tude?

Posted by Liz on Jan 8, 2010 in emotions | 0 comments

[Used with permission. Thanks to egopicks.com and their seriously fine guitar picks! Rock n Roll!]

Your ‘tude may be affecting how you experience menopause as well as how frequently those flashes occur. What’s more, your environment may also play a role.

In a detailed review of 13 studies examining women’s attitudes before and during menopause, researchers discovered a few choice tidbits:

• Ya gotta live it to understand it. Apparently, younger women who are premenopausal have more negative attitudes towards menopause than women who are menopausal. In fact, data show that one’s mood state prior to starting menopause may actually affect one’s menopausal atttitudes and experiences.
• I’ve got all my sisters (and teachers) with me. Research shows that education and social support contribute greatly to having positive attitudes and experiences during the transition.
• Which came first? The chicken or the egg? Depression  is apparently associated with having more negative attitudes about menopause although researchers haven’t quite figured out the causality, i.e. depression before symptoms or symptoms before depression. Regardless, it might bet helpful to tackle those blues and try to chase them away.
• It takes a village. The reviewed studies included women from North America, Europe, Asia and the middle east. They showed that cultural attitudes can significantly impact attitudes towards menopause. One of the most discouraging (and telling) findings was that the medicalization of menopause affected Caucasian women in particular, leading to a tendency towards negative attitudes. Say no more!

Overall, the key take-away point is that negative social attitudes + individual negative attitudes = worsening symptoms and poorer experiences.  I believe that we can change this equation for the positive by supporting one another, working on changing our beliefs about menopause and what it is (and isn’t), taking steps to boost mood, whether they be exercise, herbs, antidepressants, or mind-body practices, and by unifying to stop the medicalization of menopause.

What do you say? You in? Got ‘tude?

Reaching the Gentler Sex: Why Marketing to Women Requires a Holistic Approach. A guest post by Andrea Learned

Posted by Liz on Aug 3, 2009 in emotions, work | 4 comments

I’ve written a few posts on the value of connections and the unique relationships that women have with one another, and with the world at-large. Not only do these connections provide a sense of security and enrich our emotional, psychological and physical fabrics, but they can teach us a lot about how we relate to others and how others relate to us as women.

Midlife is a time when many changes occur, particularly on the career front. You may find yourself reevaluating what you are doing, or better yet, how. I think that Andrea Learned has an interesting perspective on how women relate to the products they buy, because it says a lot about how we relate to ourselves and each other: holistically.

So, when I saw this post on Andrea’s Site, Learned on Women, I asked if she might do me the honours of reframing it for Flashfree. It’s a terrific, informative piece, whether you are interested in marketing or not.

Enjoy!!! And show Andrea some love!

Part of what makes women seem so complicated, from the marketing perspective, is the fact that their purchase decision-making paths can be a bit winding. For most women, there is more to a decision than bullet points listing product features on the side of a package.  They take it all in — from the causes a brand supports, to the friendliness of a retailer’s employees, to knowing that a brand actually does interact with women like them (and so has much better ideas how to serve them).

Women certainly consider the usual suspects of linear product facts: like price and quality.  However, their buying curves give them even more to ponder. They may have checked off everything on their list, be close to a decision, and then hear that your company sponsored the run they participated in last weekend. Boom! She’s sold. Or a woman may be 99 percent decided or buying from a retailer, have a short conversation with a sales team member who was a little too hard-sell — and, boom, the deal is off.

The key to understanding how to reach women buyers is understanding how they think.  And, it is in a very holistic – take it all in – manner.

Not surprisingly, a woman’s more typically holistic buying characteristics are founded in the extra-connectedness of her brain. In fact, in comparison to a man’s brain, a woman’s brain typically has more connecting fibers between cells and a larger connecting tissue (corpus collusum) between right and left hemispheres. (Louann Brizendine’s book, The Female Brain, is a great resource for more brain science information.)

Noted socio-anthropologist Helen Fisher wrote in her book The First Sex: “As women make decisions, they weigh more variables, consider more options and outcomes, recall more points of view, and see more ways to proceed.” Fisher refers to women’s tendency to think in terms of interrelated factors (as opposed to men’s tendency to think more in a straight line or in steps) as “web thinking.”

As a result of web thinking, she says, women have easier access to both sides of the brain in any given decision, and are better able to integrate the emotional (is this company doing well by their employees and the environment?) with the rational (price, features, quality of product).

In Dan Pink’s book, A Whole New Mind, the author points out that “the left hemisphere handles what is said; the right hemisphere focuses on how it’s said.” Women can tap right hemisphere concerns (nonverbal, usually more emotional) much more easily, on average, then men.

In fact, as Face Time author Dan Hill found, emotions may play a larger role in the way women think about everything. This is worth noting, as he also mentions that emotion seems to drive reason more than reason drives emotion.

***

Given this perhaps more right-brained, emotionally-driven thinking, the curved path of a woman’s buying decision-making process makes a lot of sense.  In today’s tough economic and environmental situation – this more holistic perspective comes in very handy.   How and what anyone buys needs to be more deliberate.  And, what I see happening now in terms of consumer behavior is that men are starting to learn these “women’s” ways and use the finer points of such decision-making themselves.

What’s that phrase?  It’s all good.

***

The above was excerpted/edited a bit from Andrea’s original piece for a building industry publication.  You can see that full article here: http://learnedonwomen.com/2007/07/article-reaching-the-gentler-sex/

If you are a twitter fan, you can stay easily updated on Andrea’s thoughts/ideas/blog posts by following: @AndreaLearned.

There ain’t no men in menopause…and other musings for a Friday

Posted by Liz on Feb 20, 2009 in general | 4 comments

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZJQlddwuvY&feature=related]

Have I got your attention now? Hope so. ‘I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  More times than those two and a half men can sing “men.”

It’s. Not. All. About. You.

Here’s some information from an earlier post:

There’s a misnomer going around (can a misnomer go around?). It’s called “male menopause.” Now mind you, I’ve got no beef with da guyz but to call a gradual decline in testosterone “menopause,” seems a bit extreme. So, what’s the buzz about?

According to the Mayo Clinic, menopause and “andropause” are two distinct animals. During menopause, women undergo a cessation of menstruation and a rapid plummet in hormone production. On the other hand, men experience gradual declines in testosterone production after age 40. However, some men continue to produce high levels of testosterone well into their older years. What’s more, the problem does not appear to be universal; symptoms of testosterone decline, which may include reduced sexual desire and spontaneous erection, swollen breasts, a loss of hair from the body and around the genitals, loss of muscle mass, depression, and rarely, hot flashes and sweats vary from man to man and some men never experience any symptoms whatsoever.

In fact, back in October, I cited data suggesting that there is insufficient evidence supporting a decline in androgen in a majority of men and that “the extent to which an age-dependent decline in androgen levels leads to health problems that might affect or alter the quality of life remains under debate.”

Further, the medical community is not only in disagreement over “male menopause” but also its treatment.
There’s lots of controversy over testosterone replacement therapy and whether or not it actually helps the symptoms of androgen deficiency. What’s more, research suggests that a large majority of men experiencing symptoms of androgen deficiency do not seek care. (No surprise there, right?!)

Okay, so now that we’ve got that straight, may I reiterate that it’s not all about you?

I  ran across a disturbing piece in this past Tuesday’s Washington Post about how and why the country’s economic crisis is taking a greater toll on men.  Entitled “Economic Crisis Hits Men Harder,“ the article relies on the psychotherapist and author Jed Diamond who is at the forefront of the male menopause movement. In addition to expounding on the distinction between male menopause and irritable male syndrome (for which Diamond continues to claim that he has supportive data)  Diamond says:

“The loss of jobs, economic situations, crashing — it affects men in a profound way. The chaos is affecting men in very, very powerful and negative ways…Men have a less resilient emotional system; women’s brains are more networked from left to right. They are balanced socially. Men tend to be more isolated” (and therefore, don’t have as much social support).

I agree with Diamond’s point that women tend to turn to social support in times of stress and therefore, may be able to deal with it more effectively than their male counterparts. However, to  minimize the impact on a majority of the population, many of whom work multiple jobs while simultaneously caring for families, well, that’s just wrong. In fact, economic development expert Sara Gould writes that “the current instability roiling Wall Street’s markets will lead to an increasingly dire economic situation for women. This is especially true for low-income women, women of color, single mothers and others who have long experienced the disproportionate impact of flawed economic policies.”

So, if women are bearing the brunt of the crisis and are facing increasingly dire situations, is it accurate to say that the economic crisis hits men harder? And likewise, is it reasonable to take a life transition that is as natural to women as breasts and recreate it in the male image?

What do you think? I smell a rat and his name is Jed.

[You can find this post and other goodies on BitchBuzz]

Got the blues?

Posted by Liz on May 15, 2008 in emotions | 5 comments

Everybody who knows me knows that I’m an exercise junkie. If I don’t have my daily dose, well, I go a bit batty and my mood starts that slow decline into a fetal ball of yuck. Well, good news. Study findings suggests that daily exercise not only helps alleviate the effect of general life-stressors, but it may actually do wonders for symptoms too. What’s more, that regular social interaction between sisters tends to improve overall quality of life.

So the next time the blues start grabbing hold, well, get your body moving…