humour

Wednesday Bubble: Meno…wait! Don’t. Pause.

Posted by Liz on Apr 13, 2011 in humour | 0 comments

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7UOBujHAds&w=480&h=390]

In fact, you don’t even have to. Just two pills daily and  ‘Don’t Pause‘ not only guarantees that you’ll lose weight and inches (and that tiresome cellulite), but you’ll also retrieve those lost energy levels that menopause has been zapping.

Don’t Pause contains a proprietary blend of pomegranate extract and green tea. In addition to weight loss, Don’t Pause will help preserve bone, improve skin tone and muscle, ease vaginal dryness AND improve your sex life. What’s more, it doesn’t matter if you’re 40 or 90, Don’t Pause can help you lead a healthier and more enjoyable life.

Huh!

Who knew?!

Just two a day and everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) that we possibly find negative goes away. Cellulite, fat, vaginal dryness, saggy muscles, and bad sex.

WHAT are you waiting for?

Another panacea for all that ails? Don’t pause, run, no…

No no.

Bubble? Yup. Burst this one open wide ladies.

Happy Wednesday!

Wednesday Bubble: Pins and Needles?

Posted by Liz on Mar 23, 2011 in humour | 0 comments

Every now and then a reader sends a link that deserves a lot of attention…like this one.  Because as we all know, humour is essential to health and wellbeing and to getting through particularly challenging situations. And when flashes and sweats and swings (oh my!) start to send you into a tizzy, rather than rating your inner “raging maniac,” you may want to just play it old school: voodoo, and new school: good voodoo.

And so, with great delight and lots of giggles, I bring you this week’s Bubble: The Menopause Voodoo Doll.

Truly, when you’re feeling down and low, tag that sucker with ‘killer abs,’ ‘no night sweats’ or ‘still one hot mama,’ and get the good going again.

We may be menopausal. But we ain’t dead yet.

p.s. My birthday’s coming up…

Thanks Beth for the link!

Friday Folly…gone fishing

Posted by Liz on Mar 18, 2011 in humour | 0 comments

This just places an entirely new spin on the term “on ice.”

And the double entendre – gone fishing. Some of my readers will understand.

Happy Friday and may your day be Flash Free.

Wednesday Bubble: Got a Shmirshky?

Posted by Liz on Jan 5, 2011 in humour, menopause | 0 comments

It starts with “got a shmirshky?” and ends with ‘the pursuit of hormone happiness.’ Hmm, why does this sound like a really bad movie on Lifetime Network?

Truly, when I first laid eyes on Shmirshky.com, I wanted to hate it. Why? Because I don’t like cutesy names for vaginas like “shmirsky.” And I don’t really understand the tagline or book title – ‘think inside the box’ or  ‘pursuit of hormone happiness’. Nor do I care for abbreviations like “PM and M” (i.e. perimenopause and menopause) or “SUMO,” the author “E’s” (read: everyone) imaginary friend who makes her feel bad about herself.

Shall I continue? Or stop right there? Because I know that if you’re reading Flashfree, you’ve got the picture.

HOWEVER…I applaud E for taking a light approach to a daunting subject. And while I’ve not read her ‘quintessential Cliff notes to menopause,’ admittedly I did get a chuckle out of her YouTube video. And I really do love her message of reaching out; after all, one of my primary mandates since starting this blog has been to promote dialogue among women and between women and their providers so that they are better equipped to deal with the many aspects of the changes that are occurring within and without. Moreover, we know with certainty that a little humour and laughter go a very long way towards promoting health and wellness.

So, I’m going to give E a free pass. Menopause certainly is not a tropical vacation but shmirsky cutesie acronyms aside, she may be onto something.  At the very least, I’ll read the book before drawing my any final conclusions.

What about you? Got a Shmirshky?

Menopausal magnetism

Posted by Liz on Jul 13, 2009 in humour | 3 comments

Think you’ve got magnetism? You ain’t got nothing until you get LadyCare.

Normally, I’d reserve this piece for a Wednesday Bubble but it’s just too good to pass up for the beginning of the week post.

What is LadyCare you ask? LadyCare is a “small, discreet comfortable device….that attaches to women’s underwear.” Using patented technology, LadyCare relies on a magnetic field to stimulate blood flow, which then improves the “body’s ability to self heal and restore natural hormone balance.” What’s more, LadyCare “may prove to be one of the greatest natural solutions for alleviating menopausal symptoms.”

In addition to its  positive effect on hot flashes and night sweats, LadyCare promises to:

• Promote weight loss
• Improve skin tone
• Increase energy levels
• Improve the ability to control emotions
• Increase confidence
• Improve sex life

Evidently, wearing the LadyCare device has also been shown to improve blood sugar levels in diabetics.

Proponents of magnetic therapy (or bioenergy therapy) believe that magnets can penetrate the boy and correct disturbances in electromagnetic impulses that cause disease. In terms of menopause, the manufacturers of LadyCare claim that the magnetic field created by LadyCare helps to stimulate estrogen production.

Seriously, I am speechless.

I think I’d rather spend the $49.95 on a pedicure and a bottle of wine. Does wonders for that menopausal disposition….

Men. Oh. Pause. Rewind.

Posted by Liz on Jul 10, 2009 in humour, Inspiration | 6 comments

I’d like to welcome guest blogger Amy Ferris.

Amy writes about all things women. She is an author (a greater goode, Houghton Mifflin Publishers; The Buddha Next Door, Anthology, Middleway Press), a screenwriter (Mr. Wonderful, Anthony Minghella, Director, and Funny Valentines, Julie Dash, Director) and  an editor. Following is an excerpt from her new book, ‘Marrying George Clooney – Confessions from a Midlife Crisis‘ (Seal Press) which is available by pre-order from Amazon.com.

Show Amy some love!

Imagine this scenario if you will: you’re in the Holland or Lincoln Tunnel, all of a sudden, without a warning, all the lights go out, including all the headlights on all the cars. You’re stuck. There’s no going forward; there’s no going backwards. Complete and utter darkness. And you know in your soul that others are going through the exact same thing – but no one, not one person gets out of their car.

Welcome to menopause.

I have been depressed, anxious, forgetful, lost in a fog, angry, and resentful, with an emphasis on ‘angry’. I have been filled with tremendous hope, and in the next unexpected moment, filled with the exact amount of despair. I have cried uncontrollably from my gut, and I have laughed from the depths of my soul. I have felt like throwing my life away, as in literally jumping off a bridge. I have witnessed my body grow one full size while sleeping so undly.

In the midst of this fresh hell, I decided to quit smoking. I’m not sure if it was an act of courage or just simply self-destructive behavior. Much to my husband’s grand delight, not to mention my friends and family, I decided to divorce the one constant that kept me from experiencing my feelings fully – a cigarette.

So, not only were my hormones doing a ferocious dance – now my suppressed, discarded feelings were vying for attention.

This is the point in the story I get to introduce my husband. Please raise your hand if any of you have turned into the devil doll on a dime. You know what I’m talking about – that moment when your husband (or wife, or partner) says or does something trivial, innocuous, a casual throw-a-way and without a moments hesitation you respond by burning a hole in their heart with your tongue. And it’s all down hill from there. The only word that comes to mind to describe my behavior is vile. The only word to describe my husband’s reaction is stunned.

Along with weight gain and mental anguish, insomnia is yet another ‘side dish’ accompanying menopause. So, late one night while unable to sleep and tossing a coin – heads, Ambien, tails, Ambien – it occurred to me that it was time for me to put into practice what I deeply believe. To a) truly embrace and love every single part of me. Not just the good and kind and generous, but the bad and unattractive and mentally unstable. And b) find the enlightened side — it was my obligation and responsibility to acknowledge and hold dear the privilege of my very own life.

Every single woman I know, without exception, has or will experience some deep inner turmoil or upheaval because of menopause. It is a part of being a woman. Period. I have known women of great equilibrium to wobble horrifically because they were in the process of dealing with this huge change of life. The good news: most women credit this hell as the single most profound experience, which has enabled them to uncover their own greatness. I can definitely embrace that.

And here’s the enlightened side: Menopause is just like couture fashion. Some of it is just really ugly.

Welcome to my world.