Wednesday Bubble: More inspiration from Patti Digh – Patti’s Gems

Posted by Liz on Dec 10, 2008 in Inspiration, menopause | 4 comments

In my first two posts in my series about an interview I had with Author Patti Digh , I reflected on two key life lessons: 1) the importance of taking care of ourselves before we are truly able to take care of others, and 2) the need to go deeper than the symptom to discover who we are and what we truly want out of our lives. These sentiments are linked to two essays and several exercises in Patti’s 37 Days, which, once again, I encourage all of you to read.

The third and final post I am calling “Patti’s Gems.” (If you are reading this Patti, I’m not talking about your girls, although I am quite certain that they are the first thing to come to mind when you see the word “gems!”)

So, what do I mean by the phrase “Patti’s gems?”

When I first read ’37 Days,’ I felt that  in some respects, the evolution of the lessons throughout the book echoed the transitions  we make as we move through midlife. And more importantly, that certain chapters truly spoke to transitional “soul changes” to  propel  midlife divas forward in a positive and affirmative way.

I asked Patti  if certain essays were more applicable to this time in our lives than others.  “Yes…there are some that speak to part of the fear [about] what I’ve done with my life,” replied Patti.  I had a very good resume when I started writing [37 Days]. From all external measures, I was very successful. And yet, I did not feel that internally and it [wasn’t] the work that I needed to be doing in the world.”

It wasn’t the work I needed to be doing in the world.

Are you doing the work that is feeding your soul, the work that you need to be doing versus what you are being told you need to be doing? If the answer is “no, maybe or I don’t know,” take heed; you’re in good company!

Fortunately, there are a number of gems in the book that Patti revealed with a wee bit of prodding, gems that might help to jumpstart those creative juices…

Gem number 1: Don’t stop to wave, you’ll drown.

Channeling the wonderful Eve Ensler, Patti writes that Eve once asked “why are women immobile? Because…they are waiting for permission….” She goes on to pose the following questions to the reader:

Are you waiting for permission to have and express your point of view? Are you waiting for an audience before doing the work you “must do?” Are you asking the questions and truly listening to the answers as if they really matter? Do you care too much about if people are going to like you if you speak your truth?

And at the moment you’re waving, wanting to be acknowledged for waving, be seen, praised…are you really drowning?

Patti tells us to “keep moving, keep seeing, keep knowing and keep saying what you know to be your truth.” Give yourself permission.

Gem number 2: Bust your toast rules

I’d prefer to let you read this essay yourselves because it’s priceless – just think Jack Nicholson in ‘Five Easy Pieces.‘

Here’s a challenge – take a close look at the rules you set for yourself, and ask yourself if you set them to serve “some social norm that is itself made up,”  or to serve another person or a group?

Aren’t rules simply made up? Are some rules  so ingrained in us that we can’t see them for what they are?

Have you made rules, set boundaries for yourself, followed patterns that you can’t see the forest for the trees? Do those rules make sense? Better yet, do the rules still make sense?

As Patti writes “concentrate on surfacing [your] patterns in order to change them.”

Gem number 3: Burn those jeans

Okay – be honest. How many sizes are hanging in your closet?! And why are you still holding on to the  hope that one day, you will fit into those [fill in the blank]?

Patti writes to “replace the word ‘jeans’ with the albatross hanging around your neck, following you around through life, diverting your attention from the real goal, setting you up for failure.” Then ask yourself if the golden egg that you are pursuing is something that you’re setting yourself up for to feel badly (about not reaching it), instead of “good and right and strong.”

So, why are you putting your life on hold to reach the unattainable, unreasonable, un…goal? Do it now rather than “when….”

Gem number 4: Unpack your boxes

This metaphor, for a marriage that begins to unravel and the decisions that arise with regards to whether or not to leave or stay, or better yet, when to leave or stay, has a deeper meaning for many of us.

Patti writes that “piles of boxes are metaphorical architecture — they tell a story.” Unpack your boxes, stay awhile, she suggests. Commit to the swim, or go.

Are you staying in a marriage, a relationship, a job, a career, stagnating because you are afraid to unpack your boxes?  Patti quotes Elisabeth Kubler-Ross..”As with migrant birds, so surely with us, there is a voice within if only we would listen to it, that tells us certainly when to go forth into the unknown.

Gem number 5: Trust only movement.

During our conversation, I asked Patti what she meant when she wrote “trust only movement.”

“I’m coming more and more to recognize…that the abstractions we use aren’t very helpful to us in times of need. Could I have a more intense connection with my life by saying yes? Open up for other people to be as full a human as I am? Integrity to speak up? Can I stand tall for what I believe but also open up the possibility that someone else’s belief is as valid to them as mine? To love more, to love myself more in order to love people more, to trust myself and pay attention to my gut in a significant way. And finally to slow down. Moving from abstraction to something that is embodied is really important.”

At the end of the day, it’s all about focusing, doing, fully engaging,  feeling, and  feeding, nurturing and acknowledging your soul.   “Risk your significance” says Patti.

Risk your significance.