Writing your way through change. A guest post by Joanna Paterson
Are you a ‘Writer’ or a ‘writer?’ Join guest author Joanna Paterson as she finds a bridge between the two as they relate to midlife, a sense of self and community. You might be surprised at what you discover…
Heroes – in myth, literature, and real life – take journeys, confront dragons (ie problems) and discover the treasure of their true selves. Although they may feel very alone during the quest, at its end their reward is a sense of community; with themselves, with other people, and with the earth ~ Carol Pearson
Maybe it was leaving work in the corporate world as I turned forty, maybe it was having my son early and trying to learn how to deal with the transition to life post active motherhood at the age of thirty nine (five years on, still trying), maybe it was a deep-rooted need to spend time figuring out patterns and meaning before I moved properly into the second half of my life, maybe it was some or all of these, but in any event, learning how to navigate the midlife has defined and shaped my experience over the last seven or eight years.
I love the quote from Carol Pearson about confronting dragons, because to me it sums up so much of what the midlife is about. It’s the invitation to take that journey, it’s having the courage to confront dragons including those that appear to be of your own making, and in essence it’s about discovering the nature of your true self.
For me, writing is a core element of that last bit, the discovering of the nature of yourself. (It can also be a useful companion when you’re feeling just a wee bit scared of the latest dragon 😉
Getting started comes more easily with a bit of structure and support. Even something as simple as linking your words to things you see when you’re out and about can help to get you into the flow. Currently, I’m teaching classes at the Mid Life Journal that will guide women into exercises that entail writing, walking and photo-taking to help them get used to reflecting on what they’re seeing, noticing, and writing about.”
But, what if you’re not a “Writer” but a “writer?’
Writing can take many shapes and forms and you don’t need to be a Writer with a capital W to get a deep sense of satisfaction from your words. You can write just for yourself in a journal. You can pen poems. You can start writing short pieces of nonfiction from a chapter or just a moment of your life. They might not go anywhere, you might not share them, but the act of writing can help you take stock, and gain perspective.
With the advent of blogging and social media you can also write some of your experience online. Write it, and share it. The great thing about this kind of writing is that it doesn’t need to be polished (in fact the more polished it is, the less well it works), it just needs to express some aspect of you, from the heart.
That’s where the magic comes in: from the sense of connection you can get not just to your own words, but to your own self. And that’s also where the deep sense of connection with others comes from as you share your words, and a bit of your story, your self, your world. It’s that reward Pearson talks about at the end of the quest: a sense of community; with yourself, with other people, and with the earth
It’s the reason I write, and the reason I coach and mentor others to tap into the power of their own words. It’s also the reason I want to spread the word about writing: because I think it offers such a simple yet powerful way to get past the dragons, and then to make connections, with each other, and our selves.
Have you found ways to write your way through change? I’d love to hear your experience – it’s a great way to connect!
About the author…
Joanna Paterson is a journal and writing coach who helps people tap into the power of their own words. You can find out more about creative ways to get through the middle of life at The Mid Life Journal.
Read MoreWednesday Bubble: Are you an addict?
The other night, I came to an important realization, one that pretty much bursts the bubble that I’ve built around myself and who I think I am.
I have an addiction. I am an addict.
There! I said it.
I’m not addicted to illegal drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, prescription pills or sex. I’m not addicted to clothes shopping, sweets, food or possessing the latest, greatest, newest, awesomest shiny object. I’m not addicted to drama (although some folks in my life may care to differ with that statement!). Rather, I have become addicted to the one thing I never thought I’d be addicted to:
Convenience.
I’m addicted to convenience to the point that when something becomes a bit inconvenient, I don’t function properly. I lose perspective and the ground becomes rather shaky under my feet. My head swirls and my emotional self takes over my intellectual self and it’s a race to the finish. Inevitably, the emotional self wins.
Like many folks in my neighborhood and surrounding county, the power source to my home failed this past weekend. It was hot and sweltering, the food in my freezer and refrigerator spoiled and ready access to the internet and entertainment was all but taken away from me, except via my cell and the kindness of friends and family. It became difficult to work and juggle my daily responsibilities. And for several days running, I found myself frustrated, aggravated and hot, heated to just under boiling point. Even more importantly however, for several nights I found myself in the dark…both literally and figuratively…until the wee hours of the night wake-up call when my lights were suddenly all ablaze and the fans a-whirring and my head, no long spinning.
Should I look at the restoration of power as a simple act of none other than Pepco? Or, should I take it as a sign that it’s time to wake up and acknowledge that I have gotten to the point of allowing my addiction to run my life, that little inconveniences, even when they pile up, are not necessarily worse than spilt milk. After all, folks in NOLA lost power, their homes and their dignity during Katrina. In Haiti, most still live in makeshift tents. Who am I to complain about a few inconveniences?
Midlife is full of challenges: aging, physical changes and financial issues. For women, these challenges can be exacerbated by yo-yo-ing hormones, so much so that small piles can easily look ginormous. But part of navigating the change is learning how to navigate the bumps and demons and small piles and emotional turmoil.
I’m learning, truly I am. But lifelong addictions can be difficult habits to break.
For now, simply admitting that I am an addict feels like a big step forward.
Read MoreWednesday Bubble: A Different Kind of Hot Flash. Guest Post by Erika Napoletano
Every now and then you run across an awesome woman who demonstrates what it means to have the guts to provoke, educate, humour and intrigue. That woman is Erika Napoletano, a self-described writer, disruptive presence and devils advocate.
This week’s Bubble takes a look at a different kind of hot flash and one that most of us should aspire to.
Thanks Erika…. love this post!
Liz came to me awhile back and asked me if I’d be interested in contributing a blog post for Flashfree. Still a few years from menopause, I wondered exactly what I had to add for her readers (aside from my semi-patented f-bombs and unfiltered look on anything and everything).
Then yesterday, I had a different kind of hot flash:
I don’t need.
And no, there’s not a word missing at the end of that sentence.
Being someone who’s in complete opposition to affirmative action and “up with woman” bullshit, it’s hard for me to write a “I’m an independent woman” piece. Hell, you won’t find one. But I came to an moment during one of my training rides yesterday that I simply don’t need.
There’s nothing in my life that I can’t get (or haven’t) for myself. I have wonderful people – friends, family, clients – who populate my world. My home is comfortable, my car runs. My boobs remain perky (albeit, there’s a little Better Living Through Chemistry involved in that one) and I can still fit into the same clothes year after year.
I kinda don’t need anything.
I’m finally at a place in my life where I can look at my wants with loving eyes. Googly eyes that would get a construction worker slapped.
With so much crap going on in the world around us, I’m exhausted with the political pissing and moaning and righteous indignation that populates modern media. When’s the last time you sat down and looked at your wants and needs and came to a definitive conclusion about where YOU stand? Maybe it’ll hit you when you’re on a bike ride. Maybe the frozen food section at the grocery is your Dawning Recognition destiny. But do you truly need? Or are you wrapped-up in wants disguised (and mistaken) as needs? I’m betting you’re all taken care of, and if you can embrace that like a huggy little bunny (one that doesn’t crap pellets, of course), it’s gonna be a pretty kickass day.
While it might not be much later in life that I join Liz’s club of real hot flashes, I’ll take these moments of dawning recognition over a screwed-up flow of hormones any day. And I fully expect that Liz will mock me and giggle the day I tell her that I’ve succumbed to The Change.
Kinda likin’ the changes I’ve found this week, though.
About the author: Erika Napoletano is an online strategist based in Denver, Colorado. As the Head Redhead at Redhead Writing, she serves up sound yet snark-laden advice on life’s successes and foibles, social media, SEO copywriting and business strategies. Follow her if you dare.
Read MoreWhy I bake. A guest post by Wendy Goldman Scherer
When I asked Wendy Scherer to take over Flashfree for a day, I didn’t know what she was going to write about. But I love this post. Because it demonstrates that escape from everyday stresses doesn’t always have to come from without, but rather, sometimes, the greatest joys and introspection can be derived even from mini-staycations. Baking as a staycation. Who knew?!
Please show my friend, colleague and family member Wendy Scherer, some FF luv.
I am not a cook. Ask anyone.
I don’t like to cook. And frankly, I’m just not that good at it. I don’t have the patience to cut things into similar sized pieces, nor do I care. I don’t like picking out just the right recipe, reading Cooks Illustrated, or having to time out components to a meal.
I’m quite fortunate that I have a husband who not only loves to cook, but makes terrific food. And considering that I do like to eat well, it’s a pretty cushy deal for me.
When Andrew is out for the night and I’m in charge, I admit I can cook a few things. Quiche, lasagna, chicken pot pie, spaghetti, scrambled eggs, hot dogs. That’s just the beginning of my vast repertoire, but think you get the picture.
Cooking stresses me out. The opposite is true of baking. I lose myself in it. Kneading bread is one of my greatest joys. I know what it should feel like and it’s exciting when it’s just so. Getting the crust to the exact right place before rolling it out. Now, there’s joy. Baking is precise in its proportions. I like that. It’s order. But it’s not science to make it wonderful; that is spirit, gut, instinct.
It just is.
I’ve always baked to relax. To de-stress. It’s like therapy to me, only much, much cheaper. I mean seriously, what costs less than yeast and flour? And I don’t need an appointment, either. The kitchen is open 24/7. And the best part is that I don’t have to eat the goods. There is nothing easier than getting rid of a rustic French loaf, an apple pie, and extra challah, or baguettes. Trust me, it’s true.
I’ve always been this way. See me here at age 11. That’s when I decided that the first thing I want when I grow up is a Kitchen Aid mixer.
And when I lived alone, single in my twenties, there’d be nights when I made a half dozen pies only to drive around the next day delivering them to grandparents and friends.
And now, in the kitchen in my new home, baking has never been better. I have counter space galore and every rolling pin and baking mat has its place. But best of all, I have 3 teenagers to consume whatever I make. And they don’t even realize they’re doing me a favor.
About Wendy Scherer…
Wendy blogs at Finding Blanche http://findingblanche and photoblogs at http://wendyscherer.com and is on Twitter @wendyscherer.
Read MoreMake new friends, but keep the old…
I’m heading West this morning. Way West. And way, way back in time. To 1961 in fact.
For the next six days, I’ll be visiting a woman who I’ve known since I was 3 months old. Long time, right? What strikes me about this particular vacation is that I am stepping back in time and yet, celebrating the now.
We lost contact in high school and reconnected after college. I used to see her regularly when I was living in NYC and she’d come for a month’s worth of painting and art classes.
She reminds of me the good things about my past. And the importance of friends and continuity as we grow older. And while we may live miles away and our daily lives are truly as different as night and day, she is a huge part of my fabric.
And she gets away with calling me ‘Lizzie Tish!’
Read MoreWhere’s your focus?
Photographer Alex Prager was asked by the New York Times Supplement to do a photo shoot with women going through menopause. You can find the image that she captured here.
Alex described her assignment and the shot she got as follows:
“There were no rules – all they told me was they wanted pictures of older women and I could develop whatever concept I wanted; I had free rein…The taxi leaked and the rain machine was out of control. So she was soaked and miserable – but it made the shot…she was unhappy for real.”
It’s a beautiful photo and I encourage you to look at it. However, what strikes me is the focus on misery, unhappiness, and a haunting for something other than what “is.” Ironically, Prager says that she wanted the model to look backward, as if perhaps to imply that she longs for what was past and not what is ahead.
Are women in midlife longing for something else? Or are they now able to take life by the reins and reach or redefine personal goals?
Two weeks ago, I sat on a panel at Women Grow Business Bootcamp, a half-day conference devoted to empowering female entrepreneurs in their professional and personal lives. I spoke about evolution and the need to adapt to changes in one’s environment in order to continue to grow and attain goals. While the context that day was on my business and marketing, the larger context was really life and the track that I’ve been on over the past 25 years, pausing to look over my shoulder but trying to keep my focus on the path ahead.
So, when I consider the question about longing, I realize that for the most part, my longing takes me forward and not backward. My visits to the past provide the foundation for my journey. However, a key factor remains true: as I’ve grown older, I do try to take more time to not only live my passion and personal/business goals but to live within them, meditating on what works and what doesn’t so that I can continue to move in a forward direction.
When was the last time you stepped back and asked yourself where your focus is? Are you are looking ahead or consistently looking over your shoulder to see if you’ve caught up yet? What does your menopause and midlife look like so far?
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