48 looks at 89
I’m spending some time with my mom as I write this Guyside column, and 89 from the perspective of nearly 48 has been making me think about lots of stuff around aging
Here’s a few thoughts, in more or less random order.
Technology
It’s really going to be interesting to find out if I deal with technology as I age. I suspect I’m at the start of the generation that has found it relatively easy to adapt to technology. Perhaps it’s just me, but I enjoy tackling technology and understanding new devices.
My mom is definitely not in that mindset. For her, managing the universal remote is about as much as she wants to take on, and even that isn’t necessarily a done deal, as my brother and I can attest from annoyed phone calls when the TV and the cable box are out of sync.
I wonder if I’m kidding myself on this, though. There was a time when I was on top of every pop cultural trend and thought I was quite the expert, but as I creep toward 50 I find myself more and more out of touch with the music that’s getting played on the radio – something I couldn’t have imagined happening. If that can happen, then who’s to say whether I’ll be wondering how this dang neural implant turns on in 25 years?
Media images of aging
I tend to watch very different television shows from my mom; I don’t have cable TV; and I watch a lot of stuff on streaming services. So watching TV with her showed me a world of commercials for things I don’t spend a lot of time considering. Nutritional supplements, pharmaceuticals for arthritis or fibromyalgia, walk-in tubs and the like. What struck me about the ads was the idealization of aging that they showed. Sure, some people get to age with rugged good looks, dancing, hiking, driving convertibles in sunlit splendour, playing electric guitars, outsmarting their grandchildren.
But the affluence and the youthfulness of the people in commercials for products or services for seniors is as utterly mythical as a seductive babe stroking some guy’s freshly-shaved cheek or the girl who orders the magic drink catching the eye of the hunky bartender. It shouldn’t be news to anyone (I hope) that advertising sells perfect fantasies to people who live in imperfect reality. But it struck me that for many seniors, illness or lack of money must make such commercials a cruel slap in the face.
Independence
As an adult, I cherish my independence. But as an adult child of a senior, I see how easy it can be to wish my mom’s independence away. There’s a complicated and difficult balance between ensuring she has support when and where she wants it and removing her ability to control her life. And for the most part, as I see it, there are few hard-and-fast rules and lots of gray areas that have to be negotiated between people. Good will is absolutely necessary.
Death
I’ve faced up to my own illnesses, and in the last few years I’ve lost enough friends and family to consider death far more on my radar than it would have been 10 or 15 years ago. For my mom, who’s lost many friends, several siblings, and her husband, it’s much more direct. And while I think I have faced up to mortality with clear eyes, I wonder if a little denial is not such a bad thing.
Closing note: It’s a GUYSIDE TAKEOVER next week on FlashFree. The redoubtable Ms. Scherer is taking a little time off to have a lot of fun, so I’ll be posting, along with some special surprises. Stay tuned!
Read MoreGuyside: Don’t trust the media! (Well, completely)
Yesterday, a friend of mine posted a link on her FB profile to a study about births by Caesarean section yesterday. The link, to the site IFLS (or, if you’re a saltymouth like me, I fucking love science), pointed to a study that found “Cesarean delivery may cause epigenetic changes in Babies DNA.”
Her caption: “Great. Something else for me to feel guilty about.”
Now, I know very well that my friend’s line was tongue-in-cheek. But there’s a glint of a problem underneath her tossed-off line.
The study looked at 43 babies, 25 born by vaginal birth and 18 by Caesarean. The researchers theorize that the changes in DNA that take place in Caesarean babies are related to the relative lack of stress they’re exposed to compared to babies being born the “normal” way and the corresponding lack of activation of their immune systems.
But I don’t want to talk about this study — I want to talk about how we all react to studies. Last week I talked about being healthily skeptical of alternative treatments. But we need a healthy skepticism about ALL treatments and research, and we need to ensure we don’t kick ourselves because of our past actions.
It’s easy to look at current dietary, drug, or treatment recommendations and look back at choices you’ve made and see them as wrong or ill-advised. For my friend, it was having a C-section when her child was born. First off, there’s nothing that can be done about the past. Even if this study were utterly correct, there’s no remedial action she can take.
Second off, there’s the nature and limitations of any study you read or hear about. This study, for example, has a very small sample size, leading to questions about how much the findings can be extrapolated. Also, in the IFLS article about the study, here are sentences from the first and last paragraphs: “So far there has not been enough follow up to know whether the effects are long lasting… He pointed out that epigenetic changes can be either temporary or permanent and it is too early to tell whether the effects he identified will last.”
So in this case, based on 18 test subjects, researchers observed a change in gene expression at birth. Is this related to long-term health effects? Maybe. Do we know for sure? No. Does this in any way help someone who was born via Caesarean? No.
There are thousands of pieces of research published each year that might relate to a health condition you possess — anything from cancer to bunions to myopia. When you see a news story about some piece of research, for your own good be careful about your reactions and your actions. Scientific research is a mosaic. You can’t see the whole picture without stepping back and looking at all the pieces.
Read MoreGuyside: Caveat adventor
Earlier this week, FlashFree took a look at a homeopathic “Menopause spray” that promises relief of menopause symptoms.
It reminded me that there’s a universe of treatments out there for all sorts of disorders and diseases. When I was diagnosed with bladder cancer eight years ago, I spent lots of time reading about the conventional treatments (surgery, chemo, intravesical chemo, immunotherapy, radiation), and about some of the alternative treatments.
To this point, I’ve only used one form of treatment, because my tumours are relatively minor — a surgical removal of the tumours when they occur.
But alternative treatments or prevention strategies are important for many people. The problem comes with the sheer volume of information out there about all sorts of treatments, especially the less conventional ones, and the way things can change. Here’s one example:
For a long time, people concerned about prostate cancer were advised to take selenium and vitamin E supplements. But that advice changed a few years ago when a major trial began to discover that instead of being associated with reducing probability of prostate cancer, no benefit was being observed, and there were concerns.
Then late last year a research report found that instead of reducing likelihood, the supplements were associated with increasing the likelihood of a prostate cancer diagnosis.
The selenium-vitamin E research illustrates a few things. First, science changes. That’s the point of science — to understand more about a process or mechanism. And that’s why if you’re managing your health, you should be always ready to learn and to adapt to new findings.
Second, it’s good to have trusted professionals on your side. I enjoy being an involved patient, and I also enjoy helping family members or friends with medical issues if they ask for help. But I don’t believe that I’m necessarily more knowledgeable than a medical professional. It’s finding the balance between unquestioningly accepting every action recommended by your doctor or doctors and striking out on your own with no expert interventions. Using skills like those listed in the National Coalition for Cancer Survivors’ page on self-advocacy can make you a better patient and maybe a healthier one.
Third, miracles are rare. Google is a great asset, but there’s a lot of information out there that’s sketchy at best. Maintain a healthy skepticism about EVERYTHING you read or encounter. Ask yourself — or a professional — how likely it is that a root, a supplement, or some other unconventional treatment is a MIRACLE CURE for a disorder or disease. Don’t let depression or desperation colour your thoughts.
And for myGuyside readers: Happy Fourth of July!
Read MoreGuyside: Chocoholic?
Oh, chocolate, you undo me.
I have a thing for chocolate. I love to eat it. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem, right? Most people love chocolate. In the UK, people eat nearly 25 pounds of it every year. Here in North America, the average Canadian or US citizen eats lots less – about 11 pounds or so, but that’s still a lot.I figure if I quit, that average would go down by a pound or so.
With the gourmetization of everything, you’d think that this would be a good thing – consuming dark chocolate, with all those anti-oxidants and flavonoids is supposed to be good for you. But I have a taste – a craving – for the milky stuff. No nuts, no nougat, just good old milk chocolate. Perhaps it comes all the way from my childhood, when I used to have a big glass of Nestlé Quik for breakfast.
So when I think about how much chocolate I consume – bars, ice cream, gelato, etc. – I know that I’m consuming more of it than is likely healthy for me. Surely there are people out there that share this problem.
The key to me is that if I recognize this as a problem, then it is, at least for me.
So I decided to look for some tips to break this down a little bit, because I don’t necessarily want to go cold-turkey-total-abstinence-never-shall-chocolate-touch-my-lips-again. I want to be able to enjoy it in more moderation.
A Harvard medical blog suggests that if you note these three characteristics, then you’re behaving in an addictive way:
- intense craving
- loss of control over the object of that craving
- continued use or engagement despite bad consequences.
Chocolate, the post tells us, stimulates brain responses similar to those produced by “real” drugs. Now, I haven’t sold my body yet for a Hershey bar, but I don’t like the craving. And I don’t plan on entering a rehab program. So what do the big heads at Harvard suggest?
They focus on a mindfulness-related technique: “The next time you feel the pull of chocolate, pay attention to it. But instead of automatically reaching for your preferred candy bar or fudgy ice cream, take a few moments to actively decide whether or not to indulge the desire. If you decide to have chocolate, focus on each bite, slowly, to extend the pleasure in it. If you decide to wait, enjoy the notion that you’re taking good care of yourself. (You can take the same approach to alcohol, cigarettes, and food in general if you are trying to lose weight.)”
I’m gonna give this a try. What techniques do you use to control food consumption?
Read MoreFacing up to hair
Apparently, just as many mainstream outlets caught on to the fact that male “hipsters” had fully embraced the idea of thick, luxuriant beards, some researchers are suggesting that “peak beard” may have come and gone. For one beard-oil (yes, that’s a thing) entrepreneur in my city, this may be a tragedy (but given the usual lag in Ottawa catching trends, he’s probably got some time).
But it got me thinking about men and facial hair. I’m not sure we’ve ever lived in a more diverse era of facial hair than we do now — at least in my lifetime. In the 1950s, clean-shaven was the way to go. The sixties brought on long hair for men (with the exception, perhaps, of Merle Haggard or Jim Stafford) and the hippie era. Before I could grow my own facial hair, back in the 1970s, it was all about sideburns and mustaches for most men. Stars like Burt Reynolds, Frank Zappa, Tom Selleck (and even Cheech of Cheech and Chong!) were sporting serious ‘taches.
A photo from the 2012 World Beard Championships. CC-licenced by Flickr user: https://www.flickr.com/photos/rhymeswithsausage/
Then we got to the 80s and 90s, dark times for facial hair aficionados. Yes, Don Johnson brought us the “Miami Vice” look, which included oh-so-carefully coiffed stubble to go with that wrinkly linen jacket. But more of us were trying to figure out how much hairspray to use to get that Flock of Seagulls thing going than trying to figure out how to keep our beards up.
But now? Now, it’s a free-for-all. You’ve got your hipsters. You’ve got your neckbeards. You’ve got your ironic moustaches. You’ve got muttonchops (thanks, Wolverine). You’ve got “urban beardsmen.” There seems to be no “rules” anymore, except, of course, for those men for whom facial hair is part of religious practice (such as Sikhs).
So what’s a guy to do? Well, I’ve got a few rules that are nothing more than my own rules. I’ve had facial hair — either a beard or a goatee — for most of my life. I wear it … because I like it. I didn’t have anyone tell me it was best for my face type, or anything else (Well, my partner, who claims our relationship will end if I go barefaced). I usually keep it pretty neat and clean, because that’s what I like. I have some wee sideburns, but not too much; I don’t keep the goatee stuff too long, because I don’t like that. I keep the moustache quite close too, because one of the things I hate most in the world is having my moustache hairs get in my mouth. But that’s me.
Are there “rules?” Probably not. Use your own judgement. Unless you’ve got crappy judgement, in which case you should use someone else’s. Think about the world you inhabit. Are you a corporate lawyer? A full hipster beard is probably not gonna fly. Are you a bike mechanic? You’ll probably be fired if you DON’T have some sort of extreme facial hair (and multiple tattoos, but that’s another subject). I don’t want to be a downer, but sometimes individual choices can have consequences when they collide with the outside world. I like my facial hair well enough, but if it stood between me and my dream job, I’d consider letting it go.
Like most things in life, what you grow on your face is governed by what you like and what society likes. Find your own balance.
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