This saddens me greatly but maybe it’s true after all. It is really all about us.
But is it?
In early November, I put out a call for male contributors, hoping to find some male voices to fill the obvious void on this blog and lend their perspectives — not just on menopause — but on midlife. I was hoping to find men of all ages who could share their experiences with crazy moms going through hormonal mood swings, partners flashing night and day and in general, this time of life means for the other half of the equation, i.e. men. Let’s face it, we’re not going to come to the table if we don’t understand the issues, right? However, thus far, I’ve had only one courageous man willing to share his POV and another contact me to discuss possibly topics. And the slots remain empty.
Recently, I had a back channel conversation on Twitter with a young male blogger about men’s general lack of interest in discussing the female anatomy or so-called “female problems.” His take? That men are generally apathetic and unaware when it comes to this stuff. And while I know plenty of men, sensitive or not, who would welcome an opportunity to speak their peace in their relationships, I can’t seem to find any takers for this challenge. Perhaps it’s the term “menopause” in the tagline that causes men to approach trepedatiously.
I thought I’d try again. Three’s a charm, right? I’m not looking for just a discussion on menopause, but a discussion on what it’s like to deal with a woman going through such a drastic transition in her life. I’d eve love posts on what you might imagine it might be like, or how your female partners can change the way that they communicate with you now so that some of the issues that might arise later can be averted or avoided altogether. Anything and everything.
So are there men in menopause? Send me your ideas. OR comment and let me know WHY you don’t want to post.
I need you. I really really do!
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As a married man, I’m very comfortable talking about female focused health issues. Oddly enough, I have women friends who come to me with questions.
The fact that you spoke with a “young male blooger” has everything to do with the skewed view as to what men will or wont talk about.
Having worked in the medical field I find that most women aren’t actually all that comfortable discussing their anatomy or body related health issues.
When it come to health *no one* wants to talk about it until something serious happens.
Male or Female
Thanks for commenting Duane. Great perspective on women’s comfort as well – lends an important angle to the dialogue. Both sides need to open up and bridge the gap.
I have no shortage of thoughts & opinions but my own writing backlog is prodigious!:)
I totally understand. But would love your comments or a post nevertheless! Thanks Dave!
Writing about menopause and related topics was once as appealing as sucking on a urinal cake. However, a challenge is an opportunity to broaden your horizons. So here we go.
In my opinion, the conversation may be about how to support the women in our lives as they encounter significant behavior and/or physical altering changes. Regardless of menopause or other experiences, men should be expected to do some basic fact finding. With a basic education, men can then ask appropriate questions to determine the level and type of support that is required.
In conclusion, regardless of issue, men need to educate themselves, ask questions, and deliver vital support to help their women navigate life’s many challenges. Please CC to Tiger Woods.
Great comment Mike! I like your opening, however, unappealing the image is. We all go through changes, men and women alike. The challenge, as you so aptly state, is to educate, ask questions and assist. This goes two ways. Tiger, unfortunately, has other issues. Let’s just start with keeping it in his pants. Another topic for another time.
OK, Liz. You ASKED, so now you shall RECEIVE.
Most of my male friends are blissfully unaware of female anatomy and physiology except as it relates to their personal needs. My colleagues in the medical field certainly know more anatomically, physiologically and pathophysiologically.
The question really is, what to men know and understand about the female sexual/physiologic life cycle from menarche to menopause and beyond. They know that by the time women are old enough to be with, they are old enough to get pregnant (and some kinda sorta forget this point in moments of passion). What they don’t understand, however, is that there is an amazingly complex balance of chemicals/hormones that orchestrate the functions, and during menopause oversee a change in the purpose of the system.
Men are reactive, not proactive. They don’t typcially ask – hey, have you started getting hot flashes yet? Are your secondary sex characteristics become tertiary? Are you suffering from any other problems? They say “oh man, she just cannot deal with things right now. She better get over this soon.” Or “She keeps getting those hot flashes and keeps complaining about them.”
Liz, there is no training program for men to understand the complexities of women’s health. Or to understand the complexities of women in general. Maybe you and I should write it!
Great points, all Lawrence. It’s time to open the dialogue! But I do think that it needs to go two ways; it’s not just about men understanding women but visa versa. Perhaps we should collaborate on a book. Food for thought.
I can understand why so many men want to keep their head down…it might get shot off.
My wife is in the mid-throws of menopause. One minute she’s got all the windows open, the next she’s got the heat turned up to broil. All the while, I suffer through not the hormone storms you describe, but more “hormone armagedons”.
She’s tried everything to mitigate the symptoms, right down to the hormone replacement therapy Suzanne Somers is flaunting (it ended up in 3.5 week long periods…preceeded by a week of pre-menstral anger).
Yes, there are men in menopause, just as there are muggies in muggings. 😉
Mark. This is EXACTLY what women need to hear. This is the type of post I’m looking for. The one guy who contributed a blog post had lots to say about sexual desire (or lack thereof). Care to elaborate and contribute about the difficulties YOU’RE dealing with? BTW – send your wife to the blog; there’s lots of good info within.
Ach…I may already have said too much. Men have been killed for less.
Do you have a witness relocation program? It’d be about the only way. 😉
Hi Liz, Im not a man, but I live with one and funily enough just this week I thought I’m sure hes menopausal. I really did try to drag a man to comment on a blog about menopause, but you know what they say about horses.
Grumpy, irrational,impatient, given to a longing to become a rock God and/or drive a motorbike in leathers. They are everywhere In my world.
Hi Donna. So many times we think that they are menopausal only to discover that it’s just their inner testosterone speaking. Midlife crisis – hrrmph. Thanks for your thoughts! Would welcome his anytime.