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Guyside: Does my gut look big in this world?

Posted by Bob LeDrew on Jul 19, 2013 in Uncategorized | 12 comments

This is the first installment of a new Flashfree column by Bob LeDrew. Guyside is one man’s take on some of the issues that I’ve been addressing for years on FlashFree. So, show some love, eh? And share widely!!! — Liz

If Liz wants to “rebel, reveal and revel in the here and now,” I’m in. So why should you listen to me? Good question. I’m not a doctor. The only “-ist” tag that applies to me is “bicyclist.”

What I am is a guy approaching midlife with many of the same events and issues in my past and present that you likely have. Aging parents? Yup. Experience with acute and chronic illnesses? Yup. One of the seminal events of my adult life was being diagnosed with bladder cancer in 2006; one of the seminal events of my childhood was the loss of a brother to suicide.

Health isn’t a Boy Scout badge to achieve and forget about. And it’s not something you can only achieve with a team of professionals doing everything from dosing you with the newest supplement or pushing you to that 300th crunch. Real health, as I see it, is more like a gyroscope. Sometimes it gets knocked off its axis, and you have to give it time to get back into balance. And it’s about more than little blue pills, marathon running, or getting just the right amount of gray in whatever hair you have left.

It’s about knowing your body and your mind, and working with them to find balance points.

I used to be a journalist, once upon a time, and my plan is to use this column as an excuse to learn about issues that matter to me and I think will matter to you too. The more feedback you give me, the better a job I can do for me and for you.  

Now, on to the column!

Guyside: Does my gut look big in this world?

There’s no shortage of discussion in this world about women and body image. But as a guy, let me tell you that we get those issues going too, especially at this time of year when the temperatures rise and the shirts come off. Or at least are supposed to.

One friend pointed out to me that her husband and his friends (who, she says, “look good!”) will NOT take their shirts off. I know that in the past when I’ve gone to company picnics and the like, the idea of my torso on display is a little off-putting to me (or perhaps it’s that it’s going to be off-putting to others that’s off-putting to me).

So where does all this come from? And do men work through body image issues differently than women?

Well, for me, there are a few things that I’ve noticed as I’ve aged. Throughout my teens and twenties, I could and did eat EVERYTHING I wanted, in great quantities. And whatever I ate, I still had a body shape that once inspired my dad to ask me if I had to run around in the shower to get wet.

In the last 15 years, that changed. Now, while I can still eat a LOT of food, I have immediate aftereffects, and I also have that longer-term effect of going from six-foot-one and 140 to … looking like a pear perched on two chopsticks. Of course, there’s the hair growth in surprising places. The ears bug me. The back, not so much for me, although the person who shares my life regularly threatens me with waxing or electrolysis.

When I turned 30, I discovered a sport that I really enjoyed: cycling. And while I rely on cycling for both physical fitness and stress management, I have to admit that the classic cyclist’s body is not Michelangelo-worthy. Big legs, small arms, perhaps best illustrated in the great animated film “The Triplets of Belleville” (right)

And, I suspect, like women, I look at male athletes or entertainment stars and think about what I could do to make my body look like theirs. Which rarely translates into me actually DOING anything to create that chiseled body I see onscreen.

But I know only too well that my body will NEVER be confused for that of Ryan Gosling or Matthew McConaughey.

Blogger Kate Fridkis writes: “I have heard guys talk in such black and white terms about their decisions. Something is wrong. They’re supposed to take charge. If there’s a problem, it needs to be fixed. Weight needs to be lost, muscle needs to be gained, it’s that straightforward… Guys have told me. ‘Either I look good or I look like shit.'”

She argues that this sort of black-and-white, all-or-nothing thinking is more characteristic of men than of women. That may well be. What’s obvious from casual conversations with friends of both sexes about body image is that we all have issues around it. I think it’s more common that men throw up their hands and “give up” on their body, where it seems that women are much more persistent in trying to mold themselves into the body they believe they “should” have by various means.

What do you think?